Episode 3: Tipping of the Scales Transcript
Transcript Note: Next in the Order’s episodes are hand-transcribed by members of the cast. If you find issues with accuracy, clarity, or formatting, please let us know and we’ll get it fixed as soon as we possibly can! You can contact us via Instagram or Twitter @nextintheorder.
For a PDF version of this transcript, click here!
JAS: As the dust settles from the battle, he watches over the still sleeping town. The old one huffs a laugh, a deep, joyous thing that rumbles the inside of the mountain. This story was already turning out to be an odd one. Fitting, he thought. An odd tale to tip the final scales. This is Next in the Order.
[THEME MUSIC]
JAS: Hello one and all and welcome back to Next in the Order! I am your not-so-humble Dungeon Master, Jas, I use they/them pronouns. As always, gonna go around the table - name, pronoun, character, go!
WINK: I’m Wink, I play Hesperis, and I use they/them pronouns!
MERCER: I’m Mercer, I play Caelum, and I also use they/them pronouns.
MARS: Howdy hey loves, it’s Mars, and I play Sylacrum, and I use… they/them, we’re going with they/them this week, okay?
NORTH: I’m North, I play Valus, and I use he/they.
MAR: I’m Mar, I play Cire, and I use she/they pronouns.
JAS: Sick. Excellent. Mars, I think you said the exact same thing last week, in that exact same turn of phrase.
MARS: I did not, I said, “And I use they/them or [NOISE OF UNCERTAINTY]”
JAS: [MOCKING NOISE OF UNCERTAINTY]
MARS: The one time I don’t have goldfish memory.
JAS: Yeah, this is true. It also could be that we recorded it… [MAR: Two hours ago?] two hours ago. Math is hard.
MARS: (whispering) You’re ruining the immersion, they don’t need to know that!
JAS: Shhh, it’s fine.
WINK: We’re definitely live-recording this right as you’re listening to it, actually. We’re doing this just for you.
JAS: It comes straight into your ears. Are you listening at 2:00 in the morning? We’re there. Whispering, gently, into your microphones.
MARS: It’s like Santa Claus, but just a little bit creepier.
WINK: (whispering, as Hesperis) What is your purpose for being up this late?
[ALL LAUGHING]
JAS: On that note. All right, last session we had some drug trip looking, Inception levels of weird. You dove through the Matrix - I’m just kidding. Valus fell through a portal, and it took him to the… I literally was just talking about it, dog.
WINK: It was the Ethereal Plane.
JAS: Yes! Valus fell through a portal and fell straight into the Ethereal Plane, and then dove through some more portals. We ended up in some weird places, and then, Hesperis floated, fell through black nothingness for a while and changed? Intrigue? And then once everyone was safely back on the face of Aurora - Mar looks like they are having a breakdown, are you good?
MAR: (struggling through laughter) I’m fine I just thought about “the plot chickens” from Episode 1.
MARS: Man, that Hideous Laughter spell really will get you, huh?
MAR: I have been hit by Tasha’s Hideous Laughter.
JAS: I really appreciate the level of professionalism that this table brings on a weekly basis. I just really love it. This is a joke, I do actually love it. Anyway, Hesperis…
MAR: This was not me sighing at Jas, this was me trying to get my breathing back under control from the laughter.
JAS: So, yeah, so, Hesperis fell for a while, and everyone was back safely on the face of Citarya and were hanging out for just a second, when all of the sudden Caelum and a few others heard this hissing and popping, and out came some weird little house-cat sized dragons and a pixie there to apparently cause trouble. And that is where we left off.
NORTH: Well, not to mention they’re dead.
JAS: Oh, yeah y’all murdered them, yeah.
MAR: We kicked one of them through a portal.
NORTH: Hey, I touched a frog.
JAS: Oh, yes, Cire got turned into a frog. Absolutely, how could I forget?
MERCER: We didn’t kick one of them through a portal, we water-jetted one of them back through a portal.
NORTH: Waterboarded them into a portal.
JAS: It’s the best. Sometimes you just have to kind of drown a weird dragon. Yes?
WINK: Not to be a frog nerd™, but earlier in the last episode, when I asked if Cire was turned into a brightly colored as in “please don’t touch me I’m poisonous” kind of frog? And then Valus kind of stuck his whole hand…?
JAS: Isn’t it like, eat it, is poisonous?
MAR: Sometimes it’s “excrete poison.”
JAS: I didn’t pull up the stat block for a poison frog so it does not matter. We’re going to… you know, sometimes you make decisions as a DM.
WINK: And not as a frog nerd, got it.
JAS: And not as a frog nerd, exactly.
MAR: Sometimes you consider the fact that your wizard is squishy and just trying to help.
JAS: This is so true.
NORTH: That would have been my luck.
MAR: It really would have been, especially considering how you were rolling last session.
JAS: You are all standing there, barbecue sauce on your titties. And staring at this portal that just closed after a weird dragon thing that was like reddish, but had like a gleam to it? Got yeeted through this portal with water. What do you do?
MAR: There are still portals around?
JAS: Yes, and actually, whoever would like to, roll either an investigation or a perception check. And then tell me which one.
WINK: That was an investigation check, but I rolled a fat 9.
JAS: Ooh, tasty!
NORTH: I got a 10.
JAS: A ten.
MERCER: Perception? It was sixteen.
JAS: Sixteen on perception?
MAR: I’m rolling a perception check. That’s an eighteen.
JAS: All right, so our highest right now are our two perception checks at 16 and 18. And then, Sylacrum?
MARS: It’s a nine.
JAS: Okay, cool. So Cire and [MERCER: Caelum.] Caelum. My brain is not here. Come on brain, think of things. Anyway, Caelum and Cire, you are looking at these portals and kind of catching your breath after this fight, and after being a frog, which I’m sure was something for Cire to unpack.
MAR: Yeah.
JAS: Yeah, okay. So you’re standing there, staring at these portals, and I think you realize something. Looking out at these portals, you can follow them down the street and down, and you can see them further and further out, and they almost seem to be tapering off somewhere. You can’t quite see where yet, but they are very wide - it appears to be a wide berth around you of portals now, but they lead back almost in an arrow shape back to… somewhere?
MAR: Do you think that might have something to do with all of this? And Cire kind of gestures around to the town that’s been asleep this whole time.
MERCER: Maybe? I don’t quite know, it’s worth a try.
MAR: Should we follow it and find out?
WINK: I say we follow it.
MARS: Well, we’ve got no better idea. Unless you want to be a frog again.
NORTH: Let’s just go.
MAR: Cire grips her mace. Just at her side. Not even in a threatening way, just kind of in a, “calm down, Cire, it’s fine”.
JAS: We have multi thoughts at the table.
MERCER: Caelum is going to untuck his wings, up, to get an birds’ eye view.
JAS: You’re making that… So you fly up and you can start to see where this arrow is pointing. It is point towards - there is a mountain on the edge of town. And it kind of has - so the mountain’s kind of in two parts, there is the large peak of the mountain, and then kind of off to the side of it, it’s about a third of the way up, there is a large plateau area where it almost looks like there was another peak there that had been chopped off, is almost what it feels like, but there’s a large plateau, and kinda see them leading up to the plateau.
NORTH: So it’s like a precipice now?
JAS: Yeah, about a third of the way up the mountain, which it’s not a particularly tall mountain, so did you have another thought or was it in the same vein?
NORTH: I don’t remember what it was? Something to do with a mace.
JAS: Great. Rowena, who has back up a hundred or so feet comes jogging up to y’all, and she looks around and they say, (as Rowena) Is everything all right? What… what were those, what?
MAR: No idea.
JAS: Good, good…
MAR: We seem to have taken care of them, though.
JAS: (as Rowena, faintly) Okay. … Okay. Are you all all right? You look rough.
NORTH: I really hope someone has some kind of healing, cause I don’t feel good.
WINK: I do not have healing unless you are going to die.
MAR: Give me a minute while Mar looks at their spell cards… I will cast Cure Wounds on Valus. It’s a d8 plus my spellcasting ability modifier.
NORTH: Which is?
MAR: Which is +3.
JAS: Come on, eleven!
MAR: 10!
JAS: Perfect. Sexy. Valus regains ten hit points. How we doing?
MAR: Cire needs to mark off…
NORTH: We are at eighteen out of twenty.
JAS: Nice!
MARS: You can’t heal yourself, can you?
JAS: You can!
NORTH: We’re at eighteen out of twenty.
JAS: It is a creature you can touch. Can you put a hand on your head? Yes. Yeah, you can do it on yourself.
MARS: I was gonna be funny and be like, “Oh he’s got short stubby arms,” but nah. I’m gonna go ahead and cast Cure Wounds on myself as well.
JAS: Perfect, go ahead and roll that so we can hear it.
MARS: That’s gonna be a five.
JAS: Okay.
MAR: How are you doing, Sylacrum?
MARS: I’m not bloodied anymore.
MAR: Cire is also going to just sort of touch Sylacrum’s shoulder and use five of her Lay on Hands points.
JAS: Cool, that is five hit points back, correct?
MAR: Yes.
MARS: Yep, so ten total.
NORTH: How many of those do you have?
MAR: I have fifteen per long rest.
NORTH: Oh, okay, okay.
JAS: How we looking across the board, give me your HP stats, how we doing?
MAR: 21 out of 35.
JAS: Kay.
WINK: 19 out of 27.
JAS: Cool.
MERCER: 21 out of 25.
JAS: Cool.
MARS: 22 out of 23
JAS: Cool.
NORTH: 18 out of 20.
JAS: Sexy!
MAR: Could we, before we move on to the mountain, take some time to rest? Before we do that, I would like to use my Channel Divinity, which I regain on a short rest. So I’m just going to use it to regain one of my first level spell slots.
JAS: Perfect.
WINK: Do I have Song of Rest?
JAS: That’s an excellent question.
WINK: Because I don’t remember if that’s a class…
JAS: Song of Rest is a class thing. You should have it. I believe it is standard at second level. (singing) But it’s been a while since I’ve played a bard.
WINK: I should know this because I main bards. But I also main elf bards, so.
JAS: You do have Song of Rest.
MAR: Also, since we’re taking a short rest and in our home game, we don’t do short rests very often, friendly reminder that hit dice exist.
JAS: Yes. Take that short rest.
MAR: Cire will be using a couple of her hit dice.
WINK: How does a short rest work again?
JAS: So, basically, on a short rest. A short rest just means that you do light activity or no activity for [MAR: One hour.] For an hour. So you just hang out, you vibe. That’s out of character - in character, the things that you do - that’s in character, I mean, not out of character. Out of character you can reroll hit die. So you would each have three hit dice, because you are third level, so you can expend one of those hit dice to regain hit points, So like for Valus, Valus has 3d6 and so they can expend one of those hit die to regain back that last point, if Valus wanted to. Not smart to do that, but could.
MAR: Another important note about hit dice: When you use hit dice, you also get to add hit points equal to your Constitution modifier.
JAS: Yes, it is a d6 plus Constitution.
MAR: It’s like you’re rolling hit points.
NORTH: Plus nothing, cause I don’t have a Constitution.
JAS: So that would be for Valus, but for someone else, it’s a d8, or…
NORTH: If you use a spell, does that use the spell slot?
JAS: Yes.
NORTH: Do you get those back on a rest?
JAS: That would be a long rest. The only class that regains on a short rest is warlock because warlocks are weird.
MAR: Warlocks don’t get spell slots worth shit, is why they regain on a short rest.
JAS: Exactly.
MERCER: It has been a while since I have played a monk, and we have had short rests. Do I regain my ki points on a short rest?
JAS: Let’s look it up!
MAR: I think you do, but I could be wrong.
MARS: I think so.
MAR: Also remember that you have 2d8 and 1d6 for your hit dice, and you keep track of them separately.
MERCER: Yes, I just rolled - I rolled a d6 because I only had 4 hit points that I could gain.
MAR: I don’t know why I’m the one reminding you of that, I don’t ever multiclass.
JAS: You regain on a short rest.
MERCER: Sexy!
JAS: So you get all your ki points back.
MAR: Actually, I did multiclass once, and I had d12s and d10s because I was a barbarian/paladin.
JAS: Yes.
MAR: Cause I’m a paladin main.
MERCER: I love her though.
JAS: Shoutouts to our Curse of Strahd campaign that we did, that was not really like Curse of Strahd, but it was.
MAR: But it was very fun!
NORTH: He had a piss kink.
JAS: Strahd does in fact have a piss kink, you heard it here first.
MARS: I’m so glad I missed that one.
WINK: Okay, I’m looking at Song of Rest right now, because one of the ways that Hesperis would rest is just by chilling, practicing her little bass solo thing she’s got going on. And it’s the same song she played at the tavern, and it’s - If you or any friendly creatures who can hear your performance regain hit points by spending hit dice at the end of a short rest, each of those creatures regains an extra 1d6.
JAS: Yeah, so are any of you…?
MAR: Yeah, I’m going to do hit dice. Is it a d6 per hit die or is it just 1d6?
JAS: It’s just 1d6.
MAR: Can I roll my hit dice one at a time and decide how many to use?
JAS: Yeah.
MAR: Okay. So that’s 9 plus 2 for my Constitution modifier, so I’m back up to 30, so I’m gonna use one more.
NORTH: What’s your maximum?
MAR: 35.
WINK: And a d6.
MAR: I’m back up to my max.
JAS: Wonderful.
MAR: 35, and now I’m back up to my max. Now I have 1d10.
JAS: Anyone else expending hit dice?
MERCER: I did, I rolled my sorcerer hit die. 3, plus my Con mod got me back up to 25.
JAS: Perfect.
WINK: I rolled way over what I needed to restore…
JAS: Hey, hit die is good.
MARS: I wasn’t gonna expend any hit die, but I did want to do something with Cire, if Cire would let me.
MAR: Okay.
MARS: So Sylacrum’s just gonna, kinda walk up to Cire and just go: Hey, I know I’ve been giving you a lot of shit about this whole situation, but would you - to make up for it, would you be okay if I imbued one of your weapons with magic?
MAR: Sure.
MARS: Gotcha, and Sylacrum’s just kinda gonna reach out - cause your greataxe and your greatsword are on your back right now, right?
MAR: Yes.
MARS: Whichever handle is on the right side, Sylacrum’s just gonna grab it and I’m gonna use Blessing of the Forge, which is a Forge Domain cleric ability, that I can use once per long rest, so as long as I am conscious, or alive, it’s a +1 magic weapon, for the rest of the day.
JAS: Tasty!
MARS: Yeah, but that stops if I either go to zero or, y’know death. Because.
JAS: If you get naenaed.
MARS: Essentially, if someone makes me into fried chicken, then no more magic.
JAS: Makes you into fried chicken!
MAR: Remind me, is +1 for a +1 weapon to attack rolls and damage rolls?
JAS: Correct.
NORTH: Wait, you have a sword, greataxe, and mace? That’s badass.
JAS: It’s called martial class.
MAR: It’s called martial class.
MARS: Shit, I have three weapons, too.
JAS: It’s called Forge Domain.
MAR: We’re built different.
MARS: That we are.
NORTH: I’m just built wrong.
[EVERYONE LAUGHING]
MERCER: I have three weapons and two fists.
NORTH: I have a stick.
MAR: That means you have five weapons, right?
MERCER: Seven if you count my feet.
WINK: I have a dagger and uh… this? And she pulls her iron pot off of her back, and uh… yeah, it can hit. Well… and she just puts it back.
JAS: Rowena looks at all of you, and they say, (as Rowena) Well, I’m not the adventuring type, I have this, but it’s more of a walking stick. You all go to the mountain, I’m going to see what I can do around here, see if I can find anyone else awake, then see what I can find about these weird portals - I can check the library… I don’t know. I’m not particularly good in a fight.
MAR: Is there any way that we can contact you, or you can contact us, if either of us find anything? Or would we just have to meet back up here?
JAS: (as Rowena) I don’t - I can’t cast - Not that I know of, I don’t have any spells…
MAR: I have Message, but it’s fairly limited in range.
JAS: Yeah, I don’t think so.
WINK: (singsong, amusedly distressed) It only works in Spring, it only works in Spring…
NORTH: What only works in Spring?
MAR: That’s a surprise tool that’ll help us later. [PLAYERS LAUGH] Do any of us have anything we can use to contact Rowena if we find anything?
NORTH: I don’t.
MARS: Hey Jas, I got a question for you. So, and I haven’t mentioned this before in a recording, that book I have. Would it possibly have something to make, I don’t know… a signal flare?
JAS: I need you to roll something for that.
MARS: What would you like me to roll for that? Would it be history?
JAS: Roll a straight up and down d20.
MARS: Straight up and down?
JAS: ‘Cause this is not reliant on your ability. This is reliant on the luck of “is it in the book?”
MARS: Someone please verify this for me. It’s a natural fucking twenty.
JAS: You open it to the first page, and it is like, “how to construct a basic signal flare.”
MARS: Well, that’s convenient. And you see Sylacrum close this big ass motherfucking book, and kind of slide it back into his backpack, and there’s a whole bunch of tabs, bookmarks, all of this shit sticking out of it all which ways. And if you take a good look at it, you’ll probably see the book latch itself closed as it’s sliding down into Sylacrum’s backpack. And they just kind of go, well, I can make a signal flare. And, I don’t know, attach it to an arrow and, [IMITATES SHOT].
MAR: Well, that would help, since we’re only going as far as that mountain; we’re still in sight.
MARS: Yeah.
MAR: So if you keep an eye on the sky.
JAS: (as Rowena) Okay, if you signal the flare, is that just, “meet up,” is it, “we’re dying,” is it, what?
MAR: I think plan to meet back at the tavern where we’re staying, the Ink-Dipped Quill.
MARS: Yes, unless it’s, I don’t know, green? Green is, hey, don’t come to the mountain, like at all, we’re done.
JAS: (as Rowena) Okay. So green is “don’t go.” And then, what other color should I look at? To meet at the tavern?
MARS: Red, that means go. It’s like that in Winter.
NORTH: Is it?
WINK: Are you trying to fuck with us right now?
MARS: No, just with her. I was actually being serious-
NORTH: Fucky wucky doesn’t exist in Winter.
MARS: That’s true, fucky-wucky does not exist in Winter.
MERCER: That is not true.
MAR: Okay, listen. It doesn’t matter how things work in Winter, or how things don’t work in Winter. If it’s a green flare, it’s a warning to not follow us, if it’s a red flare, we’ll meet back at the Ink-Dipped Quill.
JAS: (as Rowena) Okay, sounds good. (as DM) And Sylacrum, while you’re on this short rest, do you want to go ahead and make a check with your tinkerer’s tools. This is going to be Wisdom-based because you are a Forge Domain cleric.
MARS: Well, obviously.
JAS: Using your Wisdom and your ability to decipher - plus proficiency ‘cause this is something that you’re used to - and I’m actually gonna let you do it at advantage for that natural twenty.
MARS: Sweet!
JAS: We reward natural twenties in this house.
MARS: And you said Wisdom plus proficiency? So proficiency is plus two, wisdom plus three, that’s a seventeen, so that would be… 22.
JAS: Easy enough, you construct two of these flares that you can just attach to arrows real quick. No problem.
NORTH: I didn’t know you had a crossbow.
MARS: Well, yes… the arrow’s still sticking out of that dragon.
NORTH: Well, there was a lot going on.
MARS: That’s fair.
MERCER: Is the ground still covered in vines?
JAS: No, when the pixie got naenaed, they disappeared. You make the flares, you’ve got ‘em now. You all are aware that you have crossbow bolts.
NORTH: Huzzah!
JAS: Huzzah! We finish our long rest - not long rest, God. I bet y’all wish it was a long rest - your short rest, and are we heading up to the mountain?
NORTH: How far away is the mountain?
JAS: Well, it’s just on the outside of town, and y’all are actually getting towards the edge of town here, but to get up the mountain is going to be a bit of a hike.
NORTH: For some people.
MAR: For some people.
WINK: Hey, this can be some lesbian bonding time.
NORTH: I mean, we can just… carry.
MERCER: With an owl as a third wheel.
WINK: Yeah, well.
MAR: Cire’s a beefy elf. This is gonna be easy for her.
MARS: Oh, no. We’ll cross that bridge in a second.
NORTH: You can do little chicken-flights up there.
JAS: Are y’all starting your trek to the mountain?
MAR: I think we are.
JAS: Okay. It is now approaching early afternoon, like literally crossing the threshold of noon, as y’all start to make your way out of town and up the edge of the mountain. (singing) You’re making your way downtown, walking fast… like are the winged people flying? Is that what we’re doing?
NORTH: I’d like to fly ahead and scout, just to see what’s up there.
WINK: With the people that Hesperis is walking with, she takes a little paper bag out of her little backpack that’s she’s carrying… little backpack, it’s a large backpack. She takes a little bag out of her backpack and she goes, vegan jerky anyone? And she holds up a piece of what looks to be some dried fruit, maybe?
MARS: Sure, I’ll take some.
WINK: Okay!
MARS: Sylacrum just kind of like…
WINK: it’s very salty. That’s the first thing you notice, it’s very salty. It’s homemade.
MARS: This is a lot of salt.
WINK: It’s jerky.
MARS: Even for jerky, this is a lot. It’s actually very good.
WINK: [LAUGHING] Would you like some, Cire?
MAR: No, thank you.
WINK: Okay, more for me then!
JAS: Is there a secondary flavor Sylacrum gets, or just salty.
WINK: It’s… I don’t know. It’s almost indistinguishable from any other kind of jerky you’ve had other than there’s more salt than normal because it’s homemade.
MARS: Okay.
WINK: It’s just… jerky.
JAS: Okay, you’re munching the jerky, you’re flying up. I need somebody to roll 2d10. So a d100. Percentile.
WINK: That’s an 8, my love.
MAR: Yeah, I know. My dice are across the table from me so it’s a little bit difficult to see which one’s the eight and which one’s the ten.
WINK: I’m trying to be helpful.
MAR: No! You were! I just…
WINK: Okay.
MAR: Eighty-nine.
JAS: 89! All right. On an 89…
WINK: Can I get a minus twenty?
[EVERYONE LAUGHING]
JAS: Nice.
NORTH: I managed to roll an eight on a percentage roll.
JAS: Yeah, we’re not using that one, because we’re gonna have some issues. So on an 89, as you are making your way up the mountain, those who are not flying, ‘cause y’all are flying, you are walking along and on the - like as you go up the mountain, you see there… You round the side of it, there’s like a trail going up the mountain, right? Just out of view of town - you can’t really see it in town - once you cross around. It’s almost like a spiral up the mountain, I don’t know quite how to describe it, but just out of the view of town, you can see a big orchard in front of you. It is on the face of the mountain, and there’s giant trees with apples and they look fresh and crisp, and you find something pleasant along your way up the mountain. [SILENCE] Okay, no thoughts on that. Cool.
MERCER: Caelum is going to swoop down and pluck a handful of apples, and just put them in the side pocket of his bag.
JAS: They are lush, red, nice apples. Like, they’re good ass apples.
WINK: A handful of apples? How big are your hands that you can hold more than one apple?
MERCER: He’s seven feet tall.
MARS: That’s at least three apples per hand.
MERCER: He has big hands!
MARS: He’s got big meaty claws.
MERCER: They are - no. He has like big - like you know the Avatar hand chart thing? His are airbender hands but they’re big.
MARS: I thought you were going to say Shaquille O’Neil sized hands.
MERCER: No.
MAR: Why would Mercer say that?
MARS: I don’t know, Shaquthulu was just in my mind, okay?
WINK: All roads lead back to Shaq.
MERCER, MAR and JAS: All roads lead back to Shaq.
MAR: Anyway! We’re hiking, there’s an orchard.
WINK: Are there any pears?
JAS: I’ll say with a good enough roll of an eighty-nine, yeah, sure, there are some pears.
WINK: I would like to pick a couple of pears.
JAS: Okay.
WINK: And I would like to split one and hand half of it to Cire and take a bite of it, and then think a thought to myself.
JAS: You… you’ve used… are you thinking a thought to yourself or are you thinking a thought to Cire?
WINK: I’m thinking a thought to Cire.
JAS: You don’t feel it go to Cire.
WINK: (disappointed) Normal pears. It’s fine to eat, it just did not have the purpose I wanted it to. So I left its seeds to grow into a tree.
MAR: Some things have other purposes.
WINK: Yes. Your purpose for that pear can be to be tasty.
MAR: Cire’s gonna eat the half of the pear that Hesperis gave her.
JAS: Cool.
MARS: What other use does a pear have?
WINK: Well, I have this pear, and she pulls a pear out of her backpack, and for the most part it looks like ordinary, except that if she tilts it, it kind of shines in the sunlight kind of weirdly?
JAS: It’s also a bit greener than you’d expect a pear to be.
WINK: Usually pears have the little…
MARS: The little yellowish-green kind of hue to them?
WINK: Yeah, this is like… very green.
JAS: It’s a vibrant looking pear.
WINK: And she puts it in her backpack and says, but I’m saving that one for an important call.
MAR: Call?
WINK: Yeah, its… they’re rather popular in Spring, so you take the pear and you split it with someone, and when you take a bite, you can think a thought to them. It works like the spell Message, sort of?
MARS: So, like a cell phone?
MAR: Oh, do you have a cell phone?
MARS: Yeah, I didn’t bring it with me. They don’t have cell coverage…
MAR: No, no they don’t.
WINK: Apparently they don’t…
NORTH: I left mine so the university didn’t know where I was.
JAS: Are you just floating above them for this conversation?
NORTH: Yeah.
JAS: Okay.
WINK: Apparently pear phones don’t work in Autumn. Or these are just the wrong pears. I don’t know.
MAR: Well, they look fairly normal to me. Your pears looked different.
WINK: This is a normal pear.
MAR: The pear that you can use to call someone is a normal pear?
WINK: Yes.
MAR: I’ve never heard of anyone using a pear to call someone. It must just be a Spring thing.
WINK: It must be.
MARS: Yeah, ‘cause that looks radioactive, almost.
WINK: It’s not radioactive!
MARS: And Sylacrum’s gonna kinda lean his head in and do that thing where owls kind of tilt their head, but just like a little too far, so his head’s not at forty-five degree angle, but it’s like a ninety-two, where he’s just like…
WINK: Can I share a bird fact?
MARS: Yeah, go for it.
WINK: (excitedly) Okay, so, fun fact, the reason that owls do that is because they can’t automatically change the focus of their eyes the way we can because the way we do that is by rotating our eyes a little bit. They can’t do that, so they have to tilt their head to rotate their eyes enough to focus. Anyway! Okay, continue.
MAR: That’s delightful!
MARS: Why do you know that?
WINK: I went to a lot of bird things with my mom when I was little.
MARS: All right, yeah…
MAR: It makes so much sense that you’re the person that came up with Hesperis.
WINK: Double middle fingers.
MAR: Affectionate!
WINK: Double “I love you”s!
MARS: Oh, God, they’re being lesbians in real life as well.
JAS: Always.
MAR: Maybe… well, I know you said it’s hard to get in and out of Spring, but maybe someday we can visit and you can show us what the pear phones do.
WINK: Well, if you are with me, then, technically, it will be easy for you to get in. Because technically you are… what is the word? Fraternizing with a criminal?
MARS: What?
WINK: It is illegal to leave Spring. Therefore I committed a crime. And so, in aiding me in my travels, you are aiding and abetting my crimes. So if we tried to go into Spring, you will be let in because you are criminals.
MAR: But why is it a crime to leave Spring?
WINK: Well, because most of the people there are criminals? Is it a crime to not leave prison?
MAR: Well, yes, but how does it…
WINK: Why are you confused?
MAR: The people in spring who aren’t criminals, you said not everyone is.
WINK: Not everyone is.
MAR: So why aren’t those people allowed to leave?
WINK: Well, if you were raised by criminals?
MAR: That doesn’t automatically make you a criminal.
WINK: No, it doesn’t. But leaving Spring does.
MAR: That feels wrong.
WINK: I never said it was right.
MAR: Fair.
WINK: Everything has a purpose, even leaving.
MARS: Damn, and I thought Endless Night was a fucking hell hole. That sounds awful.
WINK: It’s not bad. I actually quite like it there, actually. It’s just that I ran out of stories to tell. So here I am. Making you a criminal.
MARS: Well, you’re not the only criminal, so.
WINK: I’m sorry… (excitedly) what crimes have you committed?
MARS: And Sylacrum’s just gonna tuck his left wing around himself and kinda flex open his prosthetic wing, where do you think I got the parts for this shit? I’m broke.
WINK: Oh, that is so fair! Fuck capitalism!
MARS: Oh, fuck yes. Are you kidding me? Literally, Endless Night transport trucks are very easy to get into. You know, when you happen to shoot exploding arrows.
WINK: Doctor Downer? Sorry.
MARS: Shit. You did not hear that.
WINK: Doctor Downer, do you have issues with this?
NORTH: I haven’t heard anything, I just…
MARS: To be fair, if I go down you go down with me.
NORTH: I mean, technically, I’m a criminal, too. I’ve stolen from a scholastic institute.
[PLAYERS LAUGHING]
MAR: Caelum, are you also a criminal?
MERCER: I feel like at this point, Caelum has landed and is actually walking with the party because being alone is boring.
JAS: Yes.
MERCER: Caelum kinda looks around in abject horror because Caelum is Lawful Neutral.
WINK: Hesperis is Chaotic Lawful.
MERCER: That’s fair. Uh… No, I have not committed a crime before. I do not quite know what… I don’t know if anything I’ve done in my life could be considered a crime.
MARS: Well, what have you done?
WINK: Have you killed anyone?
MERCER: I guess, technically.
WINK: Then you have committed a crime.
MARS: We’re all criminals.
MERCER: Would you count that thing that I killed.
WINK: Was it sentient?
MERCER: Was it?
WINK: I don’t know.
MARS: I mean it spoke…
WINK: Oh, yes! The pixie! The pixie was sentient, because I talked to it!
MARS: Yeah, it spoke Sylvan.
MERCER: Then I guess I have killed somebody.
WINK: Well, then you are a criminal. Join the club.
MERCER: Okay.
WINK: Sorry, is that a sore subject?
MERCER: No.
MAR: I…
WINK: Cire, are you a criminal?
MAR: I actually don’t think I am.
WINK: Well, you are now! For aiding and abetting my crimes. And the doctor’s crimes.
MAR: I don’t think I’ve done anything to aid and abet the Doctor’s crimes. I think I’ve… I’ve just been here.
NORTH: I hardly think it counts if you don’t know.
WINK: Yes, well now they know and they have a legal obligation to turn us in. Are you going to turn us in?
MAR: Who would I turn you in to?
WINK: I don’t know. But now you’re a criminal!
MAR: Hm. A criminal and not a criminal at the same time. I like it!
NORTH: Just criminal.
MAR: No. I have not committed a crime myself. So by that definition I’m not a criminal.
MARS: The term you’re looking for is vigilante.
WINK and MAR: No.
MAR: No, it’s not. Besides, Levion also likes contradiction.
WINK: I don’t mean to take over the conversation, but who is Levion?
MAR: Cire sort of shows her emblem. Levion is one of the three moon gods. The one I specifically serve.
NORTH: That’s why you were lighting incense, right.
MAR: Yes. Well, no, not exactly. See, I did several things. Some of them were for Levion, but in the mornings I write down my dreams, and that’s for Halluc - he’s another one of the moon gods - and the incense was for Romna, the third moon god. I serve all of them in ways but Levion is… not necessarily the one that I’m most devoted to, but she’s the one that I am most connected to, I think. I have connections to all three of them, but my connections to Halluc and Romna are a little bit more by circumstance than by choice, I would say.
WINK: But, the moon gods, they are just myths. Just stories for children.
MAR: Well, you saw me in the fight.
WINK: Yes, but the goddess-
MAR: My power is real, is it not? And if my power came from the gods, then they must be real.
WINK: But your power is useful, is it not?
Mar: Well, yes.
WINK: Then it is in the domain of Areigna.
MAR: Can things not be in two different domains at once? Like I… Some of my things are more related to moons than specifically Levion, so you could say that that falls under the domain of Halluc and Romna and Levion. And Areigna, if the moons are useful.
WINK: Of course the moons are useful. What do you think gives the tides to the Forever Sea?
MAR: Exactly! And, so…
WINK: So the moons are under Areigna’s domain.
MAR: But the moons are also under the domains of the moon gods. They’re…
WINK: Well that is like saying that- that the- fuck, I don’t know. That is like saying that the trees are under the domain of frogs because frogs like trees.
MAR: Well not exactly, I mean, like, think about pears. One pear can have more than one purpose, right? Like you can eat the pear that you have that you could use as a phone. You could just eat it, right? So the pear could have the purpose of being tasty, or it could have the purpose of the pear phone, or you could plant it and grow another tree. Just because the one purpose for the pear is the one that you’re doing doesn’t mean that none of the others can have the purpose. Like, we split a pear. I ate it, you planted it! It was the same pear that had two different purposes. It could happen with gods, too, couldn’t it?
MARS: Well…
WINK: Hesperis totally blue-screens. [LAUGHTER FROM THE TABLE] She’s like- you can tell looking at her eyes. At first, it looks like no thoughts: head empty. And then you realize, too many thoughts: head very full. And she just like, her brain is like the little swirling circle of doom.
MAR: Would you like to give me a minute to process that?
WINK: I think I need another pear.
MARS: Sylacrum just kinda goes, I gotcha, and like hops up and just kind of like, grabs a bunch of pears and apples and just kinda drops down and just goes, I know it’s not, you know, radioactive, but it’s something!
WINK: I appreciate the gesture.
MAR: Calling that pear radioactive is like calling Hesperis a plant. It’s completely inaccurate and very simplistic.
MARS: That’s fair.
MERCER: Can someone explain to me what you mean when you say “radioactive”?
MARS: Oh, it’s and Endless Night thing
WINK: So chemically speaking, radioactivity is where certain components of a thing decay and release their energy and magic into the world. And if you get very close to the source of that or if there is so much of it, then it can make things go very fucky-wucky.
MARS: Yeah, like Endless Night’s armored enforcers. They’re technically radioactive but also technically not. They’re… weird.
WINK: This is a question for the DM.
JAS: Mhm?
WINK: Are the gardens in Spring radioactive?
JAS: There are certain gardens, but not the ones you worked at.
WINK: So no, not radioactive.
MAR: Um, how close are we to our destination? I assume we’ve been walking during this conversation.
JAS: Yes. I have also assumed that. Um, otherwise you’re just standing there like “Mmm! Time to talk!”
MAR: Time to, once again, avoid the plot.
JAS: It is approaching evening. Like, the sun has gone down most of the way. We’re at sunset, right? And you are kind of, if there are no more conversations to be had, then we can conveniently make you at your destination.
MAR: Nice!
JAS: Cool? Cool. Alright! Um, so you finish making your way around and you kind of come around the side of the mountain onto the plateau that’s there. And I need either perception checks or nature checks.
WINK: Cool.
NORTH: Please. Please.
[DICE NOISES]
MAR: I’m gonna do a nature check.
WINK: That is a 21 for my nature check.
MERCER: Caelum got a 15 on perception.
MAR: I got an 8 for nature.
MARS: That’s a 19 for perception for Sylacrum.
NORTH: That is an 8 for perception for Valus.
JAS: [SAD TROMBONE NOISES] Valus is just rolling like dogshit.
NORTH: I always roll like dogshit. It doesn’t matter who it is.
JAS: Fair. Um, so all of you- who all rolled above a 20? Hesperis. Okay. Hesperis, you are like- so actually this works really well. Sylacrum, you’re familiar with rocky terrain. There is the mountains between winter and endless night, you’ve regularly made your way across from the Winter University of Technology over to Endless Night and the city there, so like that, no big. You’re like, “Ah yeah, like, I’m good at navigating mountain. And so you are looking around and you see a, like, you’re looking at the side of the mountain, right? Was that nature or-
MARS: I did perception.
JAS: Cool, so you’re looking at the side of the mountain, and something looks… off about it. Over the course of your journey you haven’t really seen many more of those portals. You saw them as you were leaving town, but like going up and around the mountain, you didn’t really see them as much. And you look out now and there’s none. And then all of the sudden, from like a point nearby, you see them start to spread out in this cone shape, right? Just cone-shape right out. And you all avoid all of it because it’s not in your area, but it’s just like a cone shape out. And you see- you look where it’s coming from and you see there is something off about the rock. It just doesn’t- it is too smooth there. It doesn’t look like the jagged face of a mountain. And Hesperis, you clock that immediately. You’re like, “This is not what mountain looks like!” Um…
WINK: That was actually a pretty good Hesperis!
JAS: It was not bad! I’m kind of impressed with myself. Um, you’re like “This is not what mountain looks like!” And you can kind of see- you said nature check?
WINK: Yes.
JAS: You can actually see where nature stops being nature and moves into (mysteriously) something else.
WINK: (whispered) Sexy.
JAS: It’s like a hard line to you.
WINK: There’s… something fucky-wucky going on here.
MARS: Yeah. That- that looks too smooth.
[THEME MUSIC]
JAS: Hey guys, it’s Jas, thank you so much for listening to another episode of Next In The Order. I’ve got no new announcements today, just a couple of reminders before I let you get back into the action.
JAS: First of all, are you following us on social media? That’s @nextintheorder across all platforms except, of course, Tumblr because we can’t have nice things. Our tumblr is @nextintheorderpod, if you still even use that hellsite. We also have a Patreon, where you can become a quote Polymorphed Frog un quote. Thank you Mercer for that lovely name inspired by, of course, Frog Cire last episode. If you drop just five bucks, you can have access to art of Frog Cire, done by the wonderful @bubblyernie on Instagram, as well as see some exclusive cast photos of our absolute tomfoolery and have access to a patrons-only Discord server! All that and more at http://patreon.com/nextintheorder.
JAS: And hey, if you like the show, tell a friend! We don’t have the money to pay to advertise the show at all, so listeners sharing the show really is the best way we can spread the word! We really really appreciate it.
JAS: Finally, as per usual, thank you to Magic Sword for the use of their song Battlefield (Dance With The Dead Remix) as our theme song for the show. A link to their music can be found in the description of the episode, and if you haven’t checked out their music, what are you doing? Go listen to it! After you finish the episode though- then you can go check it out.
JAS: All right! That’s all from me for now, I’ll talk to you later, bye!
[THEME MUSIC]
JAS: I should clarify that rock is like- so the plateau is like- so we’ve got the mountain. It’s there. The plateau sticks out from it. Right at the like- right like- I am gesturing to the room so they understand. It’s all like right here and then in the face of the mountain. Along in there, there is that spot of rock that is weird.
MAR: May I use my Divine Sense?
JAS: What does your Divine Sense sense again? I know I asked this last time. [LAUGHTER]
MAR: It senses anything affected by the Hallow spell, celestials, fiends, and undead within 60 feet of me that don’t have total cover.
JAS: You don’t sense anything. Well, actually, I lied! You sense- [LAUGHTER FROM WINK] actually, interestingly, you sense Caelum, you sense the celestial nature of Caelum. And you- [NOISES OF UNCERTAINTY] Roll a Wisdom check.
MAR: It has to be Wisdom?
JAS: Wisdom.
MAR: If it is Wisdom, I will accept that, but is it Wisdom or is it my spellcasting?
JAS: Oh! Spellcasting.
MAR: Okay, so Charisma.
JAS: You’re right. Yes. [MAR: I’m a Charisma caster.] You’re a Charisma caster.
MARS: (singsongy) Paladins!
NORTH: (looking at Mar’s dice) [NOISE OF INJUSTICE]
MAR: That is a… just a check?
JAS: Yes.
MAR: Twenty-two.
JAS: Twenty-two. It is a blink and you miss it. You pick up the slightest bit of fiendish energy from Valus. But like, it’s literally like a [FWOOP!] flash. That’s it
MAR: Okay. So I tried my divine sense again.
NORTH: [NOISE OF ACKNOWLEDGEMENT]
MAR: (to Caelum) Understandably, I sensed you. Um, but I didn’t see anything- I don’t think anything- that would be a threat. Valus, could I talk to you for a second?
NORTH: Yeah, absolutely. What’s up? Is this like a group huddle?
[LAUGHTER FROM MAR]
JAS: Yeah. Do you pull off to the side?
MAR: I’m gonna like step off to the side and- away from the rest of the party- and have a conversation with Valus.
NORTH: What can I do for you?
MAR: I don’t want to pry, but… Caelum wasn’t the only person that I sensed with my Divine Sense. [NORTH: Okay…] I also sensed some fiendish energy from you.
NORTH: From me?
MAR: Do you have any idea what’s up with that?
NORTH: Admittedly, not in the slightest.
MAR: Um, do I feel like Valus is being straight with me?
JAS: Insight check.
MAR: Okay.
WINK: (holding back laughter) Is Valus capable of being straight at all?
[LAUGHTER FROM THE TABLE]
NORTH: He doesn’t know!
MAR: That is- I think like a 5.
JAS: You have no fucking clue. Valus is unreadable in this moment.
MAR: It’s a 6 actually.
JAS: Good!
NORTH: Does that change anything?
MAR: I don’t think so.
JAS: Valus is a little more readable, but not that much enough to learn anything.
MAR: Okay.
NORTH: Are you sure you saw anything?
MAR: So-
MERCER: You’re being gaslit by the doctor. [GIGGLES]
MAR: I am absolutely certain that I caught some kind of fiendish energy from you. If you don’t know why, that’s fine. If you don’t want to tell me why, that’s fine. I was just wondering if there was anything relevant to us.
NORTH: If I didn’t want to tell you, I would just tell you I didn’t want to. But I genuinely don’t know.
MAR: Is that something you’d like help trying to figure out?
NORTH: I’ll tell you what. If it happens again, we’ll look into it.
MAR: Okay!
NORTH: But for now, let’s focus on what we’re focused on.
MAR: Fair! I was hoping for something…. else. Something that isn’t one of us to come up, so we that we would have an idea of what we were up against. But that’s sort of all I’ve got to figure it out, so um-
JAS: I have an aside that I could not stop thinking of and I didn’t want to interrupt the conversation. Mercer said that the doctor was gaslighting, so uh, Valus is “gaslight,” Hesperis is “gatekeep,” and Cire is “girlboss.” Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk.
[NORTH LAUGHS]
MARS: Well what does that make us?
MAR: Okay so Valus is “gaslight.” Hesperis is “gatekeep.” I’m “girlboss.” [JAS LAUGHS] I’m writing it down!
JAS: This is important notetaking.
MAR: Sylacrum is “malewife.” Jas is “mansplain.” And… Caelum is “manipulate.” Thank you for your time. I have it written down.
NORTH: Can I attempt to use Detect Magic to figure out if something’s up with this smooth rock?
JAS: Yeah! Absolutely you can!
NORTH: Do I- I roll something for that, don’t I?
JAS: Yes! Roll a spellcasting check.
NORTH: That’s a d20 right?
SEVERAL PEOPLE: Yes.
NORTH: What do I add onto that?
JAS: Your Intelligence and proficiency. Basically your Intelligence saving throw.
NORTH: Seventeen.
JAS: Seventeen. You see, right where Sylacrum and Hesperis pointed out, illusion magic, clear as day. There is a large illusion here.
NORTH: Okay, so it seems like this is a bit of a faux wall.
WINK: Hesperis is gonna run face-first into it.
JAS: Excellent.
MARS: Wait wait, hold on-
MAR: Is this the same magic you sensed earlier that had everyone sleeping, or is it different?
NORTH: I- I don’t think so. This is more of an illusion than anything.
JAS: Hesperis runs into it and disappears.
WINK: Cool!
MAR: Great!
MERCER: Again?
MARS: We really need to put Hesperis on a leash.
MAR: [NOISE OF EXASPERATION]
WINK: Do I hear them say that?
JAS: Yes!
WINK: Okay, that was rude!
MARS: Oh my-
JAS: I should describe what Hesperis sees. [WINK: Yes, you should!] Like-
MAR: I’m going to follow Hesperis in when I hear her say that this is rude.
NORTH: I’m just going to put my hands on my head and say, Maybe I should start whispering things to people. And then walk in.
JAS: Yeah, so as you all walk in- I take it the other two are walking in
MERCER: Very cautiously.
MARS: Yeah.
JAS: Okay, great. So as you all walk in, what you see- what Hesperis saw first. You see a massive cave. I mean like, the ceilings are probably about forty feet high, like, massive. This illusion was fucking huge, and you walked through it. And you see, standing there, two elves. Sun elves. They look identical. And they are of note, they are the first thing you see. And then you look behind them. And I think all of your hearts stop for a moment as you see something I dont think- I can confirm- none of you have ever seen before. Taking up literally almost all the way up to the ceiling, laying down, with its massive head on its claws, you see a dragon. And you see its- this- like if you tried to pin a color to it, it’s red, right? But it shifts any time the light hits it. It’s scales are all this iridescent, flowing color, and it is like covered in these scales that are just, absolutely stunning. And it is laying its massive head on its paws- “Paws?” No. Its claws. And laying there. And lazily looking out. It doesn’t- it kind of looks up when you enter but doesn’t say anything and kind of settles down.
MAR: Cire steps forward, and very intentionally tries to portray in her body language that she’s not stepping forward to attack. Her hands are nowhere near her weapons, she’s just stepping forward, and she addresses the elves first.
JAS: [NOISE OF CONFIRMATION]
MAR: What’s going on here?
JAS: You see one of them, he scratches his head, and he looks like he’s wearing this ceremonial garb almost. Like it is golden and shimmery and just absolutely stunning, but you can tell he’s got, like, a sorrowful look on his face. And he steps forward, and he says,
JAS: (as sun elf) Well, the end of an age.
WINK: I’m sorry, you’re going to have to explain. I’m not from here, I don’t know what “age” is ending.
JAS: And he points and says (as sun elf) His age.
WINK: What is wrong with him?
JAS: (as sun elf) He is old.
JAS: And you see this dragon, you’re looking at it, and you can see this dragon- like, none of you have seen a dragon before, right. Like, on the scale y’all saw, like the little dragons earlier, but like, dragons are not particularly common. Anyone who wants to can roll a history check.
MARS: Can I check the book to see if there’s anything?
MERCER: [ROLLS DICE] Confirm!
[TABLE CHATTER]
MARS: That’s a nat fuckin’ 20.
NORTH: I got a dirty 20.
JAS:You two, the natural 20 and the dirty 20, what both of you would know: Dragons used to be common. They- So before the Fracture, BF, in the years leading up to the Fracture, dragons were fairly common, especially the chromatic dragons and there was some metallic dragons, but the chromatic dragons were just fairly common. A lot of them, like, lived and worked in society and like lived alongside- I say humanity loosely. And there was even a country of dragons, primarily run by dragons, and this was pre Fracture so no seasons or anything, like the normal seasons, not the fucked shit we have now. So, they were incredibly common and then war broke out, right. When the war broke out, dragons started being hunted, because dragons are a giant source of meat. They are massive, and the older the dragon is, the more it has, and hoards and all of those things became incredibly valuable, and so dragons were hunted. And they were hunted to near extinction. And then the Fracture happened and dragons were hardly seen again. There are the odd dragons here and there but they’re more folktales than anything. But, um, moving specifically to Caelum, That’s what you would Valus, what both of you would know. Caelum, when it comes to dragons, right, I think you would have a bit of an awareness of the different kinds of dragons. So you do, like, there are the standard chromatic dragons, like there are even some gemstone dragons that you’re aware of. Like there is one that you know of that you would tell tales around the fire of the monks of this ancient gemstone- this ancient Amethyst dragon, who is believed to be the oldest of all dragons in the Wasteland Forest in center of the inner wheel. But then there are other kinds of dragons out there and you know most of them. This one is- you can’t pinpoint it. Even on a natural 20, this is not something that has been seen before, and like, this is something entirely different. So-
MERCER: Does it have the same weird glimmer to it that the dragons we fought before?
JAS: Yes but times a million, like they were like mostly red with a little shimmer to them, this is a mostly shimmer, with a little bit of red.
MERCER: As a treat.
JAS: As a treat!
MAR: So, does this have anything to do with- I guess I should explain. We woke up this morning in a tavern and we were the only ones awake. We only found one person awake in the entire rest of the town, and the two of you are the only other people we have seen awake. Does this have something to do with that?
JAS: The other one steps forward and says (as other elf) Um yes. This, this here, well, his name has been lost to time, he is older than names, he is older than I- most of Citarya, any living being for sure. But, this here is Oberon. Or at least, that is the name he has taken recently. (As DM) Oberon. Sorry, the accent made it sound weird- Oberon. (As other elf) And, he’s decided it’s time.
MAR: Okay. Um, will the town be staying asleep?
JAS: (as other elf) No, not for much longer.
MAR: Okay. And we also- the way we found you was by the portals that were showing up. Was that also a side effect?
JAS: You watch as this dragon takes in a deep breath and then sighs, and you see two things happen at once. You see portals spread out in his breath as they scatter- Cause you can now see through the illusion, you can see through the other side like its not even there. You watch as the portals just go across the town of Aurora. And you watch this curling mist also go with it. And as you can now see- now that you are above Aurora and now that it has been pointed out, you see this shimmering mist covering the city and a little bit of the woods and the mountain beyond. And, um, one of the sun elves says, the first one that talked to you, he says (as elf) I’m afraid as he prepares to let go, his powers are becoming a little bit more unpredictable. I am sorry for any harm that may have caused.
MAR: If it’s just an effect that will wear off, I don’t think there has really been any harm.
JAS: (As elf) When he goes, they should wake up.
WINK: I have a question. Um, so up until now Hesperis has just been staring kind of in awe at this dragon, and for some reason, what the elf said just now kind of turns her attention, and I forgot to write down their names and I forgot them, so I will simply ask. Do you know Rowena?
JAS: (As elf) Oh yeah! That’s a friend of ours.
WINK: And you have some weird bushes in front of your house?
JAS: You see like, one of them goes red, like, (as other elf) We’ve got rose bushes, yep.
WINK: I spoke to one of the bushes, its okay your secret is safe with me.
[LAUGHTER]
JAS: He makes a face of like “What the fuuuuuuck”
WINK: And then Hesperis turns to Cire and says so they were not asleep.
MAR: Are your names Castor and Pollux?
JAS: (As Castor) Oh yes, sorry.
MAR: Rowena was the elf that was also awake. And we were curious because, you know, sleep magic doesn’t affect elves.
JAS: (As Castor) Right.
MAR: So Rowena brought us to your house to see if maybe you were also awake, but if you’ve been here, that would explain why my Message didn’t get through.
JAS:(As Castor) Quite yes. I’m Castor, he’s Pollux. Yes, we kind of- Castor (as DM) Nope I’m Castor, let’s try that again. (As Castor) I have been traveling back and forth between the Feywild and our world for quite some time now. I have let’s just say made made some friends there, including him (as DM) and he nods toward Oberon. (As Castor) And, I have told him stories about the material plane. He hasn’t been here since, eons ago. And I told him about the lights and he wanted to see them.
WINK: Oh. Damn I really wish I had Dancing Lights right now.
MAR: I’m glad someone is here to bear witness.
JAS: (as Castor) I’m glad you all could make it too. It-
MAR: Would you like us to stay?
JAS: Oberon looks up at all of you and in this deep rumbly voice that I am not even going to attempt to do because I can’t get that low, and it just is a voice that fills you with warmth and its one that- woven into it’s very nature, is just years and years and years of life and joy and story. He says (as Oberon) I would be honored to have such good friends in my company tonight.
WINK: You’re gonna make me cry about a dragon we met five minutes ago.
[LAUGHTER]
JAS: That’s the goal.
WINK: So, at that Hesperis is going to like, the clusters of flowers that are in her vines of hair, they’re dried because it is Autumn, but they’re there nonetheless. And so she takes a few of the clusters out of her hair and she lays them down near Oberon’s claws, and she says I know it is not much, but it is the best I can try.
JAS: (as Oberon) Thank you, young one. (As DM) He looks at you and you see he takes a- he lifts his head up off his claws for a moment and stands up on them. And you can see him now. He is literally like, ducking his head so it fits in the cave still. He looks at you and he says (as Oberon) I can see that you’re a storyteller. That is good. Pray tell, will you tell me a story before I go?
WINK: Of course I will.
JAS: And, he says (as Oberon) Thank you. I have a gift for you in return. (As DM) and he blows at you and the rest of you see this fog much like the fog that was covering Aurora, but this time it is purplish in hue and actually Hesperis will you roll an arcana check- you’re not Hesperis.
MAR: My name is not Hesperis.
JAS: I don’t know why I pointed at you, Cire will you roll an arcana check?
MARS: While this is going on, just to give you an update, I got a 13 for the roll I did earlier to see if I found anything in the book.
MAR: That’s an eight.
JAS: No.
MARS: I figured as much.
JAS: An eight? Okay you’re like ‘Wow dragon’
NORTH: [LAUGHTER] Wait, can I do an arcana check?
JAS: No
NORTH: Awww
WINK: Get nae naed.
JAS: Get nae naed. You start to see this vision. You see an older version of yourself, in Spring, and you are surrounded by- you have the other people in this group are around you and you are all sitting and you’ve got notebooks out, and you’ve got your bass and its plugged in and you are screaming and the rest of them are cheering and then you see this moment of- You see it flashes again and you see the pace you’ve never been before and its deep, deep woods, and its covered in vines and you can smell the ozone of magic. And you can see you are full on running after someone, and you look different than you’ve ever seen yourself. You are not in any particular season and it’s interesting but instead you have this deep, deep green to your skin, and your vines look healthy and your antlers are massive. You are running along and you are running after Sylacrum, who’s holding something in his hand and is flipping through a book with the other, and you see Caelum, as Caelum fires off a spell and then literally fires it off and hits it with his staff like a baseball bat. And you see Valus and his wings are outstretched and he is reading something out of a book and casting a spell and his eyes glow with magic and he’s got these massive horns stretching out of his head and you see Cire and she is just chopping through the woods, diving through, and she looks empowered and she’s got this look, and this one eye you can tell is a different color as it glows with something new and then you are back in this cave.
WINK: That is beautiful.
JAS: (as Oberon) That is the story you will tell. And it’s going to be a good one.
WINK: Ohhh. Okay, so um, you have not been in the Material Plane in a while?
JAS: (as Oberon) I have not. Never, been here before actually. Well, I have, when I was just a wyrmling.
WINK: Have you ever heard the story of the Fracture?
JAS: (as Oberon) I have not.
WINK: Would you like me to tell it to you?
JAS: (as Oberon) I would love nothing more. (As DM) Do you have a question?
MARS: I had a thought, because remember how I said, when we did session one, Sylacrum was kind of tinkering with something to make music? Would you be cool if, for this scene, as Hes kind of starts to tell the story, Sylacrum takes out object after object and kind of just does Thaumaturgy to like, make Hes’s voice boom, and take out a little trinket to make flashing lights to go off and all that.
JAS: Absolutely. That’s wonderful.
WINK: Hesperis was planning on taking out her, it’s an unusual use for a viol, but she was going to take out her viol and like pluck on it, instead of like bowing it, for some light music.
MARS: I think Sylacrum seeing that kind of goes, like thinks to himself for a second, and like fiddles with it and attaches like a little amplifier to it so it makes the music kind of echo when it normally wouldn’t.
WINK: So a little bit more reverb.
MAR: Cire takes out from her bag a flute and kind of gives Hesperis a questioning look, kind of like, would you mind if I joined you?
WINK: Circle of fifths, my love.
MERCER: Caelum, from his bag, is going to pull out a pan pipe.
MAR: Cire is proficient in the flute, just so you’re not worried.
MERCER: And just gonna look at Hesperis and gesture to it.
WINK: If you would like to hear the story, gather around and we will sit.
NORTH: I’d like Valus just to pull out his notebook and kind of sit against the far wall and start sketching the scene.
MERCER: I feel like this is just a thing for me, but I feel like just in the presence of a thing that is so different from the rest of the like, the normal order of Citarya TM, Caelum’s wings adopt just a little little bit of that shimmer.
JAS: Excellent.
WINK: So Hesperis looks down and she starts plucking along her viol, and she just starts to talk and she is solely focused on the dragon but she projects her voice enough that everyone can hear her.
WINK: Our world, the Material Plane, Citarya, has not always looked the way you see it from the mouth of this cave. Millenia ago, the god Aalir created the world and set it free to operate as it pleased, as though xey were winding up a clock and letting it tick until all its time has run out. And at first, everything ran as it should.
WINK: Citaryans discovered fire and love, developed language and agriculture, named the months and the seasons, and numbered the days and the years. The sun circled the world, and all over Citarya, day turned to night and back again. The triplet moons Halluc, Romna, and Levion danced around each other, satellites to Citarya as well as to each other, pulled into curls and whirls in the night sky by the gravity of each others’ orbits. Winter turned to Spring turned to Summer turned to Autumn turned to Winter.
WINK: Then, seven hundred and nine years ago, a war broke out. Nation against nation, people against people, god against god, season against season. The war wreaked havoc all across Citarya for six years. The magic users were the most affected, and the most weaponized. Their magical atrocities ravaged the land and all the creatures in it. In the sixth Winter, the air and ground froze so severely, every crop failed, the livestock diminished, and the people starved. To survive, some hunted dragons near to extinction for their massive supply of meat and hide. Their hoards were seized and the riches distributed to the people.
WINK: Wishing to cease the slaughter, an incredibly powerful warlock made a deal with each god of each season. He tried to channel all of their powers at once, to grant the world the best of each season and restore fertility and peace to the land. But the warlock did not know that the gods’ animosity- not towards him, not towards the world, but towards each other- overruled their desire to see their people flourish once more. The warlock was strong, but not strong enough to handle trying to channel the gods, whose powers so fiercely fought against each other. His material body exploded in a blast of pure arcane energy.
WINK: Today, where the warlock gave his life, in the center of Citarya, lies a forest full of magical fallout. Trees twisted to follow the paths of the gods, animals born with too many eyes and horns where they shouldn’t have them, or that phase in and out of the Material Plane with no sense of order or reason.
WINK: The gods each claimed a piece of land for themselves, altering the plane and warping the pattern of the sun and moons. And so Citarya was split into the six unchanging seasonal regions we know today: Spring, Summer, Endless Day, Autumn, Winter, and Endless Night. Each with a different god, a different atmosphere, and a different purpose.
HESPERIS: My goddess, Areigna, is the goddess of Spring, and the goddess of things that have purpose. And, so, to me, everything has a purpose, and the way that I serve her and the way that I work in the world. My purpose is to tell stories, like I am right now. And your purpose was to bring good to the world. Whether that is your world or our world. In our world you certainly brought an adventure. [LAUGHS QUIETLY] I, I hope that our world brought you some good too.
CIRE: The seasons brought differences to the way each of us lived our lives. Like Hesperis said, she’s from Spring, she serves Areigna. The life Hesperis lived, so far, was entirely different from the one I or any of these other people live. And the fact that we all came together in Autumn, and found this adventure, and found you, is something… special. Something magical, beyond the magic you find here. And, there is more to learn. There is more for each of us to grow into and grow together. And I, for one, am honored to have you be the beginning of our story.
WINK: [SHAKY BREATH, HOLDING BACK TEARS]
MARS: They have a saying from where I’m from, which is Winter but also the edge of a city of lights in Endless Night, that a story is never truly finished, it’s just paving the way for things to go forward. In Endless Night, they worship the god Oathar. To be fair, Oathar’s a little different now, but he’s always been shining his light forward in a way to make things prosper, and to be able to sit here, at the end of your adventure, just goes to show how you have paved the way for our adventure.
WINK: (tearfully) Hesperis is fully crying now.
MAR: [NOISE OF DISTRESS]
NORTH: Coming from somewhere, I guess you could say “scholastic,” I was always interested in the world and how it worked and the history, but you, you are far older than history as we’ve known it. And you have no idea how exciting that is to me. You’ve shown me there’s far more out here than I can ever imagine. And far more than I could ever hope to experience. And I am so glad I got to experience you.
JAS: He looks at you and says, (as Oberon) You will learn and experience in time. As we all do, you have so much ahead of you. You all do.
MERCER: Caelum is going to turn to Oberon. And in his hand he’s going to cast Thaumaturgy, and just have a small little fire flickering in his hand. This is the first time in years that I have been able to bring myself to acknowledge and admit that this is something that I can do. And I don’t think that it’s a bad thing anymore. I would never have been able to do this without this little adventure we’ve been on. Thank you.
JAS: Oberon laughs, a deep, rumbly, joyous thing, and he says, (as Oberon) No. Thank you. For giving this old man a glimpse at legacy, at the world still to come. It’s… wonderful.
JAS: You see- you follow his eyes as they look out of the cave. Out into the dark of the night, and the stars twinkle brilliantly, beautifully. The triplet moons shine down, all three of them full and lush and glorious in the night sky. And he looks around at those gathered. Castor and Pollux, who are silently weeping, and Hesperis weeping as she said earlier.
WINK: Not silently.
JAS: Not silently! And you see, he smiles, and it’s wonderful. And he says, (as Oberon) I will give you one last gift. A promise of a journey to come, of stories to tell.
JAS: And he blows that smoke again, and you all see what Hesperis saw a moment ago. The different images of all of you, older, different, wizened, but full of life and joy, and more powerful, and together, and friends, and maybe more. And he says, (as Oberon) All these years, my hoard has been something unique. Nothing tangible. But stories. Thank you for giving me one last one. And now, go make it your own, and make it a good one.
JAS: (whispered) Wink, did you have a thought?
WINK: (whispered) Oh just that now we know our characters can’t die.
JAS: (whispered) Yeah. I mean… You don’t know. (at normal volume) And you see as he looks out and you see a reflection of it in his scales and in his eyes, these old, wizened eyes. You see as the lights appear in the sky. The Aurora Borealis. They are stunning. They dance in beautiful blues and greens and reds and purples and shimmering gold. And it reflects back at him. And his eyes close for the last time.
[THEME MUSIC]
