Episode 2: Beyond the Opalescence Transcript
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JAS: Looking out over the plateau, the old one lets out a sigh. The fog of his breath forms a mist in the morning air as his stare wears thin on the veils of our reality. He takes another breath, watches, and waits for the newly formed party to come over the horizon. This is Next in the Order.
[THEME MUSIC]
JAS: Hello one and all and welcome to the second episode of Next in the Order! I am your not-so-humble dungeon master Jas, as per usual. Let’s go around the table, we’re gonna do a pronoun check-in, and say our names and characters now because we’ve got characters that the audience knows! So I’m Jas, I use they/them.
WINK: I’m Wink, I play Hesperis and I use they/them pronouns.
MERCER: I’m Mercer, I play Caelum, and I use they/them pronouns.
MARS: Howdy hey it’s Mars, I play Sylacrum, and I use… [NOISE OF UNCERTAINTY]… they/them, we’re going with they/them this week, okay?
JAS: Great.
NORTH: I’m North, I play Valus and I use he/they.
MAR: I’m Mar, I play Cire, and I use she/they pronouns.
JAS: Tasty! All right, so, diving straight into the action, the content, what you came for. So, last episode, we met our motley crew of misfits - that is a line from a Jesus song I believe - [NOISE OF DISCOMFORT]
MAR: (in background) Eeby deeby.
JAS: So we met our weird crew here, several bird people - a lot of wings happening - a not-plant, and a beefy elf.
MAR: Beefy elf!
JAS: It’s an - it’s an apt description, what can I say? So we met them as they all awoke and found themselves in the first floor of a seemingly abandoned tavern where we discovered the barkeep asleep, seemingly, or passed out, on the floor. Unclear, and we went outside and saw the town of Aurora, not… awake. They may be passed out, they may be asleep, not awake. We found Rowena, and they mentioned that they burned some incense last night in their home, but other than that, you don’t have much of anything to go on from them, and they led you to the house of Castor and Pollux. We had a… compelling conversation with a… yeah, it’s a rose bush, uh-huh.
WINK: Surely.
MAR: Totally.
JAS: Totally a normal rose bush. Shoutouts to my boy Ronald.
MAR, WINK, and MERCER: Robert!
JAS: I did it again!
MARS: Robert D. Rosebush, to be exact, thank you very much.
JAS: Ronald’s my grandpa’s name. Anyway, so we had a conversation with Robert the rose bush, and found out that at one point in the night, Robert had felt a bit sleepy. And as we were discussing theories, passing around ideas, talking about snowmen and how terrifying they are, seemingly, the ground opened up with a shimmering pool, and Caelum and Hesperis jumped out of the way deftly, but alas, Dr. Valus Amadon was not quite so quick, and fell… somewhere.
NORTH: It’s always me.
JAS: So, Valus, if you will, will you roll a d4 for me?
MARS: How deep underground did Valus fall?
NORTH: The mantle.
JAS: Well, actually. Y’all see… so, we’re going to… we’re gonna see it from the outside perspective first. You all watch as the shimmering pools - they’re round and kind of… almost look like puddles on the ground, they’re not perfectly spherical, or like… elliptical? Is that a word? I don’t know.
MAR: Circular?
JAS: Well.
NORTH: Isn’t that a workout machine?
JAS: An ellipse is a thing, right?
MARS: Yeah, you said elliptical, though!
JAS: Yeah, elliptical is of being an ellipse.
WINK: Yeah.
MAR: It is of being an ellipse, but it is also the name of a workout machine because of the shape the workout machine makes when you move the things!
JAS: Excellent, okay I’m right!
MARS: Okay, you fucking English major.
JAS: Yeah, exactly! Well, I’m not an English major, but, digression. Mar’s the English major. So there are these pools and they’re shimmering and kind of opalescent in hue.
MAR: Does the opalescence of the pool look anything like Cire’s hair?
JAS: Actually, it does. It’s a little bit like shimmery with flashes of color - it’s iridescent, it’s… I don’t know how many different ways you can say that it’s shimmer - like that kind of shimmer. There’s almost a gleaming magic coming off of it in little waves. It almost looks like heat waves on really hot pavement. We all know that a little too well. Love the south. So we’ve got those heat-wave looking magical something. Mars, you asked how far Valus fell - you look at this pool where Valus was, and you don’t see anything on the other side. You just see a shimmering reflection of the world around you. They look like puddles of… it’s not water, but it is a puddle that you can see a reflection of the world around you in. You just see Aurora.
WINK: All right, I’ll bite. Hesperis sticks her face in it.
MARS: [STAMMERING AS SYLACRUM]
JAS: Okay, we’re gonna come back to that. Do you stick your face in the same one Valus fell through? Because there are a couple that y’all narrowly avoided, and as you sit there, a few more just pop up out of nowhere, they just pop into existence. So, same one Valus fell into? Excellent. Speaking of.
NORTH: Real quick, is this… like open up or is it just [POPPING SOUND] there?
JAS: It just [POPPING SOUND] appeared. I mean, if you probably slowed it down in slow motion you could probably see it expanding, but the rate at which it expanded was just like… there. Yeah, you just got yoinked. Absolutely nae-naed. So Valus, you rolled a 4 on that d4. Roll an arcana check for me.
MERCER: That’s a d20 plus your arcana.
JAS: You should be good at it, wizard!
NORTH: Well, let’s see. That is a nineteen.
JAS: So, with a nineteen, you’re pretty familiar with the material plane and the different… planar system. Obviously, you’ve got like a PhD in magic. You’re good there, so this is a no-brainer for you. You are in the Ethereal Plane.
NORTH: Can you describe that?
JAS: Yeah, so this is where it gets weird, right? So if we look at… I’m going to pull up a picture for you to see and we can, you can Google this yourself - D&D 5e planar chart. Cool. So this is the planar chart.
NORTH: Okay.
JAS: There’s a lot to look at there, right? So the Ethereal Plane sits… is in the center of the planar chart, you have the Material Plane, Citarya, the world as you know it. Underneath that, is the Shadowfell. That is a little bit darker, where shadows and that kind of thing. And then above it, you have the Feywild. The Feywild is kinda like a twisted version of the Material Plane. It looks like the Material Plane but different.
NORTH: Like something’s off?
JAS: Yeah, like something’s off. It’s a lot more… it’s got fey magic, and that’s where the domain of the faeries is. The Feywild is fairly unknown because there is a lot of issues with traveling to and from the Feywild in that there’s a lot of time distortion that tends to happen there. But binding the Material Plane to the Feywild and the Shadowfell, binding those three together - they’re in a sphere on the chart - and then around that is the Ethereal Plane binding them all together.
NORTH: So these three are spheres and kinda the space in between them is the Ethereal Plane?
JAS: Kinda the space in between them, it’s the space separating the Material Plane, the Shadowfell, and the Feywild from the next level, which is going to be your elements, and then there is the Outer Planes beyond that. The Ethereal Plane is what keeps the core planes intact, like together, right? So a lot of magic is actually spawned from the Ethereal Plane, because it is a force, think of it like the gravity keeping all of this together. And so you are in that. It almost feels like a black hole around you. The weight of it is crushing, and you’re seeing the infinite sky around you, and it is beautiful, and it is likely terrifying. It is the vast expanse of everything. Then you see another couple of those puddles appear in midair around you. What do you do? You’re just floating in this shit.
NORTH: I guess… around how close are they?
JAS: You’ve actually got a couple right nearby you. They’re kind of all within ten feet of you.
NORTH: Is there… Can I move? Or am I just kinda like…floating?
JAS: Make an Intelligence check.
NORTH: Okay. That’s a nineteen.
JAS: Okay, with a nineteen, you try to move at first and then you see floating through one of the portals, a piece of debris, and you grab onto it and kind of yank yourself and you can kinda move yourself around with the things coming in and out of these portals.
NORTH: Okay, so I’m going to try to use the debris to pull myself into the nearest one that I can.
JAS: Cool. So we watch as Valus pulls himself into, there’s no check needed, that Intelligence check was enough to get you in it, and you kinda just dive through this portal, and suddenly, you are back on a physical plane. You are no longer in that vast expanse of nothing, but I think as we watch you go, we see just the face of Hesperis pop through a different portal, looking at Valus’ butt, basically, as Valus dives through another portal. Hesperis, you see the vast expanse. You see the void. You see… it’s stars and it is large.
WINK: Hesperis takes her little notepad out of her pocket again and starts describing it in the notepad, just writing it down.
JAS: So you see - are you still like, face-in? Just writing off to the side, face in this portal.
WINK: Her handwriting is going to be absolutely unintelligible.
JAS: Okay.
WINK: Like, it’s just scribbles.
JAS: Yeah, so y’all watch, so this puddle is on the pavement, right? So Hesperis fully sticks her face into this puddle and goes beyond where the pavement is. And then you watch as she pulls out a notebook and just starts writing in it to the side.
WINK: Fully nonsensical.
MARS: I think Sylacrum, just kinda seeing that is just gonna go “Well, they didn’t die, I think. Do people just write in notebooks when they die?”
WINK: Can I hear?
JAS: No, you can’t.
WINK: Okay.
JAS: You hear, like, you know-
WINK: (whispering) Yes, tell me what I hear.
JAS: Yes, [JAS GIGGLES] You know when like, you can.. It’s less of hearing, it’s more like when, for Hesperis especially, when you hit the lowest not on your bass and you feel it vibrate through your entire body.
WINK: Mmm, good shit
JAS: Just the thrumming of that over and over and over again.
NORTH: In this Ethereal Plane, if someone tries to speak, would sound even come out or would it-
JAS: That’s a good question.
NORTH: Oh, okay, well.
MAR: Cire is going to kind of, like, tap Hesperis on the shoulder.
WINK: She’s gonna pull her head back.
JAS AND WINK: Yeah
WINK: To look at Cire. “What?”
MAR: What was in there?
WINK: Take a look.
MARS: That’s.. ominous.
MAR: Is it.. Is it safe?
WINK: I did not die.
JAS: [DM LAUGHTER]
MAR: And with this full body sigh, Cire is going to, like, stick her face in the pool.
JAS: [DM LAUGHTER] Great! Cire, you see what I have described. You see the vast expance, you feel this thrumming.
MAR: Is Valus gone?
JAS: You see the other portals around, the other, like, pools around, and you actually see this other, like this other pool in the expance start to swing, almost like the pages of a book closing, shutting in on itself. It is moving, but like, it’s doing, like, ya know! Is that, does that description make sense?
MAR: Is the portal still open and like it’s closing because it’s not in my view?
JAS: No, it’s in your view, like the puddle itself is moving, and it is, it looks like, it looks like it’s coming towards you, closing is like a bad analogy. Like, if we were watching from the outside, it would be like, this puddle is on one side, this puddle is on the other side of a book-
MAR: The distance is closing?
JAS: Yes, like it was next to this and now it is coming around in front and-
MAR: Okay.
JAS: Does that make sense?
MAR: Yes.
JAS: Cool
MAR: Do I have any indication, is this, obviously Cire wouldn’t know. Do I have any sense of where Valus went?
JAS: You have no idea.
NORTH: So these are like magical Scooby Doo doors?
JAS: That’s one way of putting it, I mean, they’re something.
MAR: Is it just that one portal that’s moving?
JAS: Uh no, you can see them kind of drifting around and shuffling, and y’all honestly, back in the Material Plane, we see those portals kind of moving around slowly and then you see some more pop into existence and some pop out.
WINK: I would like to stick my face into another one.
JAS: Okay!
WINK: Maybe the one that’s opened under me.
JAS: Okay, roll a d4.
WINK: Just my face.
JAS: Just your face.
[DICE NOISES]
Wink: That’s a one.
JAS: On a one, you look out, you stick your face in it, and your face immediately goes cold, and you do feel a little bit of like, change in yourself, the way you do when you like go between seasons. How it just feels like a little bit different, like you feel yourself being a little bit stronger in areas but losing some strength in others. And like I said, your face is cold, and it is dark, and like, it is the kind of dark that swallows everything.
WINK: Okay, so my darkvision would not work here.
JAS: So, yeah, no, this dark, like it is, you have darkvision, right?
WINK: Yes.
JAS: There is nothing to see in the dark, it is just pitch black.
WINK: I think I’m going to go the rest of the way in.
JAS: [DM LAUGHTER] Okay! Um, cool, cool cool cool cool, you just-
NORTH: DM panic.
JAS: Hopping in?
WINK: Yeah, I think I’m just going to-
MARS: This is a player question, do you just like, yeet yourself in or are you like slowly creeping in?
JAS: Are you just like, pulling your face out and dropping in, like?
WINK: I think, I’m going to, I’m going to, like, stand up, take my face out of it, right myself, and then just, walk in.
JAS: Cool, so-
WINK: Step over the-
JAS: So like, you know when like-
NORTH: Like a little hand clap
[A SINGULAR CLAP]
MARS: Like a James Bond, like, foot-drop-pencil-dive straight into the hole?
JAS: Literally like when you were like a kid and you were just like “I’m just going to like, walk along the side of the pool and then just walk myself on into the pool”, that is what we’re getting. Okay excellent.
NORTH: I don’t blame you for wanting to experience (UNINTELLIGABLE)
JAS: Roll a d20 for me, just straight up and down.
[DICE NOISE]
WINK: That’s a twelve.
JAS: Okay, hmm, cool. We’re gonna come back to Hesperis. Valus, roll another arcana check for me.
NORTH: Okay.
[DICE NOISE]
MARS: Oh goddamnit, godsdamnit.
NORTH: That’s a nine, that’s a nine.
JAS: What did you roll on the die?
NORTH: A four.
JAS: Okay, you, hmmm-
WINK: I’ve got some dice you can borrow
NORTH: Valid
JAS: You’re not sure where you are now.
NORTH: Can I make a perception check?
JAS: That was what your arcana check was for, bestie. With that arcana check, you’re looking around and [NOISES OF THOUGHT] I think your brain clouds over for a moment, like as you’re looking around, like your mind is just still trying to process The Void that you literally just experienced and it still feels like it’s thrumming even though it’s not anymore, that sound is, like you left that sound behind you but like you can still feel it reverberating through your muscles and it’s like a very unsettling thing and so as you look around, you see, at first you’re like “Oh! I’m in the town of Aurora.” But then you look around, and it is wrong. There are details off. There is, like, you, it, you don’t need to make any spell, any kind of check or anything to know that magic is bouncing off the fucking walls here. And it’s nighttime here, which it wasn’t when you were just in Aurora, and then you see in front of you, glimmering lights, floating and dancing in the sky, the Aurora Borealis, and you look around and they’re gorgeous and they’re stunning and you’re kinda thrown off for a minute. And yeah, that’s what you see.
NORTH: Okay..
[DM LAUGHTER]
NORTH: I’m gonna take a second and kinda shake my head and clear it a little bit, and, I mean, I guess I don’t have a choice but to start walking.
JAS: Great! Just walking around? Cool.
MAR: I’m going to yeet myself into that portal that’s moving closer [MAR LAUGHING]
JAS: Cool! You yeet yourself through that portal that’s moving closer, and you see what I just desrcibed to Valus, and you see Valus standing there.
NORTH: What’s going on?
MAR: I have absolutely no idea.
NORTH: I think we need to figure it out fast.
MAR: (sarcastically) Really?
NORTH: I can’t quite put my finger on it but something feels a bit worrying.
MAR: Can we still see the portals?
JAS: Yeah.
MAR: We could try going back through, is this the one that you came through? I kind of gesture to the one that I came through.
NORTH: Well it seems to be the only one.
MAR: Is it?
JAS: It’s not, there’s more. [DM LAUGHTER] You lied.
MAR: Is it the one you came through?
NORTH: I’d like to think so, it was a bit foggy when I got here.
MAR: Okay..
NORTH: Wouldn’t hurt to try.
MAR: I’m going to stick my head through that portal and see what I see.
JAS: You see, it is weird as shit. You guys see Cire’s face popping through the pavement, just Cire’s face, on the ground, in a puddle.
MAR: Okay, and I see them?
JAS: Yeah, you see them.
MAR: Okay.
MERCER: At this point, Caelum has probably dropped back down from the yeeting directly upward that he did.
[A PREGNANT PAUSE]
MERCER: What in the fuck?
MARS: [NOISES OF CONFUSION] I don’t fucking know!
MAR: I don’t know but I found Valus!
MARS: Wait, hold on, where’s- And Hesperis just went into a fucking hole, okay, alright.
JAS: Speaking of Hesperis [DM LAUGHTER] Wink just showed me a note that said “What in the Magician’s Nephew?” I feel like that’s important to include.
WINK: I didn’t know if it was copyrighted!
JAS: You can mention brands!
WINK: (in a small amount of distress) Okay, I didn’t know!
JAS: Yeah, you can mention things. So, Hesperis, you know, okay, first off. When Hesperis steps through this portal, we see Hesperis change, and all of a sudden, the skin that was once-
WINK: Bronze.
JAS: Yeah, bronze and like, the hair that’s a little bit wilting, just a bit, even though Hesperis takes excellent care of it, it still is wilting just a bit, just from Autumn being Autumn. We see it shrivel up, and we see as Hesperis’s skin grows dark and almost pulls in tighter, it’s tighter onto the bone, tighter onto, and Hesperis is suddenly rail-thin looking and almost skeletal in nature. Even, like, Hesperis’s clothes are still bright and colorful and we can see them now in the dark expanse, but Hesperis’s skin is nearly, like it’s a charcoal gray against it.
WINK: Hesperis’s clothes are a black blouse with a maroon little, like, overall-dress type thing with like lots of little, like, petticoats under it, and also like knee-high black boots. So, I wouldn’t call it brightly colored.
JAS: Well, the maroon lights up like a Christmas tree in this because there is literally nothing else of color. Like Hesperis fully is the only colorful thing here.
MAR: You can’t really blame Jas for that, because you described Hesperis as a fruitbat going to a tea party.
WINK: Tea party fashion, fruit bat colors.
JAS: Okay, okay, I’m there, I’m there, I’m fully there. Okay, so, Hesperis, next important thing, you know, it’s been desrcibed many a times in many a novel, many a movie, what have you. The moment when you wake up and you feel like you are falling.
WINK: [SOUNDS OF SHIVERING DISTRESS]
JAS: It is that but perpetual. You are suspended in that moment of falling. Um, yeah, the rest of you, y’all saw Hesperis dip.
MARS: So, to paint this picture, just cause a lot of shit has happened in the past twenty minutes-ish. Hesperis went through a hole, Caelum and Sylacrum are standing there like “What the fuck just happened?” Valus is in Aurora Borealis Two: The Dark Dimension, I don’t know.
[CAST LAUGHTER]
JAS: The dark dimension!
MARS: I put that in my fucking notes, by the way. And now, Cire’s just, face in a puddle like “Hey, what’s up, bud?”
MAR: How ya doing?
WINK: Come on in, the water’s fine.
MAR: (laughing) No!
JAS: Valus has a thought.
NORTH: So just in terms of length, like, how long has passed?
JAS: It’s been like, two minutes. Like-
NORTH: Okay.
JAS: I am ADHD, so I have like, no idea about the perception of time, how that works. But it, this is very quick.
NORTH: That’s why I ask.
JAS: Like in character, it’s been maybe like, two minutes max.
NORTH: Okay, okay.
MAR: Cire is not going to take her head out, because she’s like, kind of afraid that this is gonna go away.
JAS: Uh-huh!
MAR: But she’s gonna kind of gesture to Valus, like, with the rest of her body and then go through the portal back into-
JAS: Okay.
NORTH: I’m going to, pick myself a little bit up with my wings and just kinda shoot out as quick as I can. Cause, like, I don’t wanna be here.
JAS: Cool! So, you, like, it is the weirdest shit to watch from the external. You almost see, you know when you flip and image from, when you flip an image when one side flips to another? That is almost what happens with Cire, because Cire is like, like walks through the portal, the puddle like normally, and then like, it almost is like an instant switch where like Cire is now standing with you normally. But like, from the other perspective-
MAR: Like I was walking through a sideways portal, so I kind of like, walked up through and just kinda like, door-hinged?
JAS: Yes, yes you fully door-hinged, that’s exactly it!
NORTH: It’s like coming from Australia.
JAS: That- No! I don’t think so!
MARS: I was gonna say like Spiderman walking up a fucking wall, but okay, Australia-
JAS: That works! Yes! That’s a pretty good description of like walking up a wall and like walking onto the roof. Like that is what it looks like and it is just an instant thing that happens as Cire just like *Pop!* Like just automatically, she is righted. Hesperis has a thought.
WINK: Can Hesperis see the portal that she came through?
JAS: Mmhmm
WINK: Okay, but she is falling?
JAS: Mmhmm
WINK: Can.. Is there anyway that she can control her movement?
JAS: Roll an intelligence check.
[DICE NOISES]
JAS: How smart is Hesperis?
WINK: Just straight intelligence? That’s a fourteen.
JAS: Cool, a fourteen is good enough, I don’t want you trapped here forever, so-
WINK: I don’t either!
JAS: Uh, just, that’s it, that’s a wrap on Hesperis. [DM LAUGHTER] I’m just kidding, we have way wilder shit for Hesperis to get into. So Hesperis, you kind of like, are able to like almost pull yourself out of this moment, of like this perpetual falling, and something in you, like, is able to like, turn yourself, like you’re able to just kind of turn yourself around a little bit and you see another portal has opened beneath you, and you kinda angle yourself and fall into it.
WINK: Okay, where does it take me?
JAS: Roll a d4.
WINK: Oh boy [DICE NOISE] That’s a two.
JAS: You, are back in Aurora, with, now the rest of the party. Valus, did you go through?
NORTH: Yeah.
JAS: Okay, Valus followed through the portal, you are back in Aurora, but you fall out of the side of a building! Like there is a portal that appears on the side of a building and Hesperis just kinda falls and almost like rolls out of it.
WINK: Is she- She’s still falling that way and then it just kind of-
JAS: Yes, like she is falling, like you-
WINK: Falling horizontally and then vertically.
JAS: Exactly. So like from Hesperis’s perspective, she is falling downward and then horizontally kind of, like it is all weird and-
WINK: Fucky-wucky.
JAS: Fucky-wucky indeed.
WINK: Oh boy! Ow..
MAR: How far did Hesperis fall?
MARS: I mean, there’s only two-story buildings, so..
JAS: Hesperis fell, like, actually, it was from the side of a one-story building, like it wasn’t far, it just was enough that like.. Didn’t take any damage, but-
MAR: But still, oof ouch Hesperis’s bones.
JAS: But still, oof ouch Hesperis’s bones.
WINK: Do they see the change in Hesperis when she comes through the portal?
JAS: It happens so instantaneously that we, that they do not see it, and Hesperis is back to how we’ve seen her this entire time. The bronze skin and yellow-green hair. Like it unfurls just to look a little, it’s not shrivelled anymore, but it is still a little bit wilted.
MAR: Is Hesperis going to need some roll-on lidocane?
[THE SOUND OF TABLE POUNDING]
JAS: Pain.
WINK: Come at me and my shitty bones again. Come at me and my shitty bones again, I dare you.
MAR: Okay, I won’t help you with the lidocane next time.
MARS: Wink is making a pouty face.
JAS: Alright, so, yeah, you’re all back in Aurora now, after that, uh, trip.
MAR: Is Rowena still here?
JAS: Rowena is still here, and she is like backed the fuck up and is like holding her staff like “I think the fuck not” and they are like “I- no, I don’t think so.” Just wide-eye, hasn’t said a thing. Um, yeah..
NORTH: What the fuck?
WINK: Well that was an adventure!
Mar: What was that?
WINK: Cold.
MARS: Where- Do we need to into- I, no, we’re not.. Where did y’all go?
MAR: Not cold.
NORTH: Here, but not here, but, I.. I don’t know.
MAR: It was here but wrong.
NORTH: I guess, yeah, that makes sense.
MARS: Did you, like, go to the other side of Citarya? Like-
MAR: No!
NORTH: It was here.
MAR: We were in Aurora, but it was different somehow.
WINK: I’m sorry, are you a round-earther?
MARS: No! I was- No. What do you mean? I thought they like flipped and went to the other side, like, why did you think I- Where did you get round-earther from that? Jesus..
WINK: Citarya’s flat.
MARS; Citarya’s flatter than pancake, like..
WINK: Okay.. So, I did not go to Aurora but wrong. I went to, um, dark. Just dark and cold. And I changed.
NORTH: Changed how?
WINK: Just the way I usually do, through the seasons.
NORTH: Okay.
WINK: Do you need a minute to process?
NORTH: It was a bit.
JAS: Sylacrum roll a dexterity saving throw.
[CONCERNED PLAYER NOISES]
MARS: What?
WINK: Get fucked!
[DICE NOISE]
MARS: I, well, well, oh wait, I forgot I made the bird dexterous, it’s still a nine, but like-
WINK: [NOISE OF OOF OUCH SYLACRUM’S BONES]
NORTH: That’s gonna hurt.
JAS: Hey Sylacrum-
MARS: Wait, isn’t this how- Oh gods..
JAS: Hey Sylacrum, a puddle opens under your feet. A new one, and it just, it just, you just *Boom*, fall through it.
WINK: Hesperis sticks her face in it.
[PREGNANT PAUSE]
WINK: So whatever you are about to describe, Hesperis sees it.
NORTH: Hesperis is just the scout now.
JAS: Hesperis just has no impulse control.
WINK: Because Wink has no impulse control.
JAS: Fair enough. So, Sylacrum you fall, and Hesperis you are like “Time to watch~” And you find your footing and you are standing on the ceiling of a building. Not the roof, the ceiling. You are in, it looks like a tavern, and you look above you, in your perspective, and you see tables and chairs and the works just plastered to what looks like the ceiling and you are standing like on the ceiling of this place.
MARS: Do I see andy people though?
JAS: Nope!
MARS: You know what, you know what? Sylacrum’s just gonna go “You know what? Oathar has his way. I’m not dealing with it.” And he’s just going to like, back up to where he thinks the puddle is and-
JAS: The puddle is above you, you can see it, it is on, like, it is between some chairs. And actually, on the other side. So actually, it’s not between some chairs, it opened under a chair and we see a chair pops out on the other side. We see then, Hesperis’s face sticking in it, looking down from the ceiling onto Sylacrum standing on a ceiling.
WINK: Are you.. are you good? Did you fly?
MARS: I- no. I didn’t even fall, I’m just on the ceiling now.
WINK: Okay.
MARS: And Sylacrum is just gonna kind of like, try to jump up a little bit and see if he comes back down onto the ceiling.
JAS: Yeah, you do.
MARS: Well, I really hope this ceiling doesn’t fall, cause uh..
WINK: Try to walk on the wall.
MARS: Sure, may as well. And like, Sylacrum is just gonna slowly make his way over to the wall, and just kinda, like, stick their right foot onto it and like try to dig in a little bit and like-
JAS: I have a question.
MARS: Mmhmm?
JAS: Does Sylacrum think this is going to work?
MARS: Oh fucks the hell no!
JAS: Okay, then it doesn’t. You try to walk up the wall and you’re like “Eh, no, I don think so.” You’re gonna try it but you’re like “lol” and no, you can’t, like, it is just like if you tried to walk up the walls normally. It’s not going to work, you’re not Spiderman.
MARS: Yeah no, I didn’t think that was going to-. Wait, hold on, me as the player, I just need to be like- What the fuck?
JAS: Yeah.
MARS: What have you done to my bird?
JAS: Are you having fun?
MARS: Oh, me the player, yes.
[DM LAUGHTER]
MARS: Sylacrum, Sylacrum’s not gonna..
NORTH: I feel like Hesperis wholeheartedly would believe that it would work.
WINK: Yes.
NORTH: First attempt.
WINK: And so she’s going to also go into this portal.
JAS: Okay.
WINK: And she is going to- If this is allowed, I sure would like it to be, she is going to just kind of like, I don’t know how- So, she’s on like her hands and knees with her face in the pool on the one side and she just kind of like crawls over the edge and onto the floor-
JAS: Yeah!
WINK: Of the place-
JAS: Cool!
WINK: Where she saw-
JAS: Okay, y’all, the people in Aurora on the Material Plane, as far as we know, you see Hesperis, just *boop boop boop boop* scurry on in and Hesperis, and Sylcarum, you now see Hesperis sticking to the floor, ceiling, what is it? Who- the floor.
WINK: Can I pick up a chair and like reach out the chair to Sylacrum and see if Sylacrum can grab onto the chair and be pulled down?
JAS: It is a very tall- If you stood up you probably could, you maybe could reach Sylacrum.
WINK: Then I will do that.
JAS: Yeah, okay, yeah. You reach out a chair, and so there is just Hesperis-
WINK: Holding up a chair for you-
JAS: Holding up a chair for you to grab.
WINK: Do you want to grab on? See if I can pull you down?
MARS: Sylacrum is just gonna stand there for like thirty seconds looking dumbfounded and just goes “You’re not part spider, are you?”
WINK: I don’t think so.
MARS: Okay, this is -
WINK: I certainly hope not!
MARS: This is, yeah, no, get me out of here, please. And he’s just gonna like, grab the chair.
JAS: Hesperis, make a strength check.
WINK: Oh, boy. That’s a nat 20, baby!
JAS: You fully - Sylacrum grabs onto it, and I think you just take the chair and throw him through the portal.
MARS: Hollow bones, baby, hollow bones!
JAS: And y’all just see this Owlin come flying out the other side with a chair still attached.
WINK: Free chair! And then, Hesperis wants to explore a little bit because she is confused as to why she can stick to the floor and he could stick to the ceiling, but they couldn’t get on the walls, so she’s going to try to walk up the walls.
JAS: Does she think that she can climb on the walls?
WINK: Absolutely!
JAS: Then she climbs on the wall.
NORTH: Oh, it’s like the bell in The Polar Express.
WINK: Wait, so this… but maybe he was too heavy. But then he would be on the floor, not the ceiling. This is fucky-wucky. She’s just going to take out her notebook again and scribble a couple of little notes.
JAS: Okay.
WINK: Just some poetic little lines about how gravity has people going in opposite directions and some shit.
JAS: Ooh. Poetry. Art. North, you have a thought?
NORTH: Can I stick my head through this portal, just to see where Hesperis is?
JAS: You see Hesperis walking on a wall.
WINK: Hello!
MARS: Is this part before or after the…?
JAS: After the bird is flung.
MARS: Okay.
NORTH: Well, I stuck my head through to see if you were doing all right, but…
WINK: Oh, yeah, I’m doing great! Come on in!
NORTH: I think I’m good. Seems a bit safer out here until we know exactly what’s going on.
WINK: Hesperis is just going to walk onto the ceiling. Well, I haven’t gotten hurt yet.
NORTH: Yet.
WINK: Okay. Grumpy. What do they call you, like Dr. Downer?
NORTH: Fuck it, I’m going back through.
WINK: Hesperis is like, well now I’m lonely, and so she just jumps off of the ceiling and into the portal.
JAS: Excellent.
NORTH: How tall is Hesperis?
WINK: Hesperis is like seven feet tall.
[PLAYERS LAUGH]
NORTH: Okay.
JAS: Yeah, Hesperis is tall, but Hesperis is skinny.
WINK: Hesperis is… looks like a fucked up artist made a person out of vines.
NORTH: And threw that bird bitch like it was nothing. I mean.
WINK: Slingshot, bitch.
MARS: You really…
JAS: Hesperis calculated the torque and said, “Got it!” like…
MARS: You really yeeted my chicken strips there.
JAS: Fuck ya chicken strips!
MERCER, WINK, NORTH, and MAR: (in unison) Fuck ya chicken strips!
WINK: Hesperis fully did like… you know how when a cat is calculating how far to jump, they do the little booty wiggle?
JAS: Yes. Yes, I do, exactly that. My stupid cat trying to figure out if she can get up into my bed. Anyway. Anyway, shoutouts to Cordelia. I love her, she’s the love of my life. Anyway. So, you are all - I need perception checks from all of you.
MARS: Am I still airborne?
JAS: Hesperis, I need it at disadvantage because you are still gathering your bearings.
MERCER: Natural twenty!
JAS: Cool.
WINK: That’s cocked.
NORTH: Thirteen.
JAS: Thirteen.
WINK: That’s a nat 20, too.
JAS: That’s a nat…? At disadvantage.
WINK: That’s a fourteen, plus numbers.
MAR: That’s an eighteen.
WINK: I also have an eighteen.
MARS: Am I still airborne? So do I need to do it at disadvantage? Would I have hit the ground?
JAS: No, you’re good, you’ve already hit the ground. You’re gucci.
MARS: All right, and you said a perception check?
JAS: Perception, yeah.
MARS: Fifteen.
JAS: Okay, the thirteen and fifteen, you don’t hear anything. But the rest of you, especially that nat 20, you hear it first, Caelum. You hear a sizzling sound and then the pop of - like an ember in a fireplace popping, you know the sound of a log? And then you hear it again. Louder this time, and then you see, out of one of these puddle portal things, you see amidst the heat waves - the heat wave looking magical lines, you see a little puff of smoke come out. And then you watch as a fireball comes out of this portal and into the midst. And I need everyone here to roll initiative.
[THEME MUSIC]
JAS: All right. Hey guys, it’s Jas. Thank you so much for listening to the second episode of Next in the Order. Only a couple of announcements today, then we will get right back into the episode. Back into that good good content.
First things first, did you know we have a Patreon? You can support us over at Patreon.com/nextintheorder. Or, if you are like me, and hear a url and immediately bluescreen, feel free to just head on over to our instagram @nextintheorder and follow the LinkTree in our bio. Right now, admittedly, there’s not much on there, but soon there will be behind the scenes pictures, moments, there’s gonna be character sheets and stats, some character art and more! In fact, if you support us over on Patreon, you could get a character named after you on the show! And that’s just sexy, isn’t it? We don’t want a repeat of Ronald the rosebush.
[SOUNDS OF THE TABLE CORRECTING JAS]
Robert! Fuck! We don’t want a repeat of Robert the rosebush. Even just a couple of bucks really does make a world of difference to us as we are simply broke college kids™, and like… the idea that people would support us is mind-boggling. We really would appreciate it. But, if you can’t support us on Patreon right now, that’s totally cool! Like, I get it. That broke life. Literally every episode download makes us so giddy with excitement and genuinely means so much that people listen to our silly little podcast. Be sure to keep an eye on our social media as we continue to post new photos, clips and good good goofs. That’s @nextintheorder on all platforms except for @nextintheorderpod on Tumblr because this is the timeline God abandoned.
And as always, thank you to Magic Sword for the use of their song Battlefield (Dance With the Dead Remix). Rad song, rad tune, be sure to check it out in the episode description or wherever you listen to music. All right, that’s all from me for now, I’ll let you get back to the episode. Bye!
[THEME MUSIC]
MERCER: Before we do that, I would like to reaction cast Absorb Elements.
JAS: Okay, describe Absorb Elements for me.
MERCER: Okay, so Absorb Elements: the spell captures some of the incoming energy, lessening its effect on you and storing it for your next melee attack. I have resistance to the triggering damage until the start of my next turn, and also the first time I hit with a melee attack, the target takes an extra d6 of damage of the triggering type.
JAS: Okay, so how much does it reduce it by?
MERCER: It’s resistance.
JAS: Oh, okay, it’s resistance. Got it. I also need you to roll a d20 for me.
MERCER: It’s literally right there.
JAS: The DC is a 1, don’t roll a nat one.
MERCER: I rolled a seven.
JAS: Okay, great. Next time, your DC is a 2.
NORTH: Initiative gets no bonus of any kind?
JAS: No, you have a bonus.
MERCER: You do have -
MAR: (overlapping) You don’t have a bonus because you have a zero to dexterity.
JAS: Suffer.
NORTH: Then perish.
JAS: All right, initiatives, what do we got?
MERCER: 21.
WINK: 12.
MARS: 21.
NORTH: 13.
MAR: 4.
JAS: Excellent.
MERCER: What’s your dex modifier?
MARS: Plus two, motherfucker. I rolled a 19.
MERCER: Plus four.
MARS: Okay, we don’t have to… this is like the whole wings thing again!
MERCER: It means I go first.
JAS: All right, top of the order is Caelum. We’re actually - okay, so we have this fireball coming in and it actually sails over y’all, but what’s going to happen is this first round, Sylacrum and Valus, you’re operating under the surprised condition. So you cannot make a turn this round. So you will not be -
NORTH: Wait, why me and not everyone else?
MAR: Perception.
JAS: Because y’all’s perceptions were ass! You did not see this coming so you’re like “Oh, holy shit!” The rest of you are like, “I heard this coming. I’m on it.” So rest in peace, should’ve rolled better next time.
NORTH: I’ll keep it in mind.
MARS: Man, we’re really sitting here and looking pretty this episode, man.
MAR: But will your dice keep it in mind?
MARS: No. No, never.
JAS: I should have the Monster Manual open. What the fuck am I doing?
MERCER: Jas.
JAS: Okay, cool.
WINK: So, fireball hurtling towards us.
JAS: Yeah, that. So there is this fireball. It actually sails over your heads and explodes in a shower of sparks over you. But I do need Dexterity saving throws from all of y’all to see if you can avoid getting damaged by it.
WINK: That’s a seventeen.
JAS: Seventeen.
WINK: Wait, no, a sixteen.
JAS: Sixteen.
WINK: I forgot to swap my…
MERCER: Thirteen.
JAS: Thirteen. Actually, Caelum, since you got that nat 20 on that perception, I’m going to say you automatically save.
MAR: i am almost certain that I failed. I rolled a seven.
JAS: Okay.
NORTH: I don’t… I don’t save. It’s an eight.
JAS: Okay, yup.
MARS: That’s cocked.
MERCER: That’s cocked.
MARS: That’s an eight.
JAS: Okay.
NORTH: God, we just…
JAS: Those who rolled lower than a thirteen you take seven points of damage.
WINK: Eeby deeby, sucks to be y’all.
JAS: Fire damage, I think goes without saying.
MAR: What’s it like to have less than thirty hit points?
NORTH: Does that matter?
JAS: It matters depending on what class you are. So, for la barbarian, they are resistant to bludgeoning, slashing and piercing when they are in a rage.
MAR: Only when they’re raging.
JAS: Only when they’re raging.
WINK: I have resistance to lightning.
JAS: Yeah, like right now Hesperis has resistance to lightning because y’all are in Autumn, and there are different racial ones, like tieflings have resistance to fire. That kind of thing. So. You don’t have any resistances.
NORTH: Unfortunately, yeah.
WINK: Get nae-naed.
JAS: You have - you cannot be charmed or put to sleep though, so… that’s.
MAR: You can be charmed, you just have advantage.
JAS: Advantage against being charmed and you can’t be put to sleep. Thank you for the correction.
NORTH: Okay so, 7 points of damage.
JAS: Yes, seven points of fire damage to those who rolled less than a thirteen. Cool, so Caelum, you are first to act as you see, crawling out of this puddle on the ground, you see this - the first thing you register is this giant toothy grin. And then you see the rest of it. It’s got… it’s about… it’s like the size of a large housecat, but it has these glowing red eyes, it’s got like a red body but it’s got this sheen to it, almost like you put like an iridescent foil over it, almost, and these scales of it glitter and gleam with this red. And you see a small, little, red, red-eyed, dragon-looking thing that’s about cat-sized. Large housecat size, crawl out of this portal. And then a second one crawls out after it. And you are first to act.
MERCER: So, the way I imagine that this spell takes effect is that Caelum’s hands are almost wrapped in what looks like the glowing ember of a dying fire.
JAS: Yeah. And I think you, as, instead of dodging it entirely, you kind of reached up and snatched some of that out of the air and yeah, your fists look like glowing embers, glowing coals.
MERCER: It was almost like an instantaneous reaction, like he didn’t register that it was happening, it just… as soon as that fireball came through the portal, he reached up, grabbed it, and now his hands are glowing, basically.
JAS: Tasty.
MERCER: He’s gonna look at his hands, vaguely terrified, and then turn to look at this dragon thing, and just… dart forward, and as he’s running, he’s gonna pull his quarterstaff from where it’s resting on his back, and just come down on it.
JAS: Cool, make an attack roll.
MERCER: God, I hope this works. That’s a sixteen.
JAS: A sixteen does hit. Roll damage, and do you get to add additional fire damage to that, or..?
MERCER: I do.
JAS: Okay, tasty.
MERCER: I do.
MARS: It’s d6, I believe you said [MERCER: Yes.] for the additional.
MERCER: Yeah.
JAS: And you’re doing it at the first one that came out?
MERCER: Yeah. That is going to be 4 points of fire damage plus four points of bludgeoning damage. So, eight in total. And then, pop-pop.
JAS: Cool. Yeah, pop-pop.
MERCER: Should I just roll 3d20 at this point?
JAS: Is that how many attacks you get?
MERCER: It’s two plus…
JAS: You just did an attack.
MERCER: I know, but the wild magic…
JAS: Oh! Are you spending a ki point?
MERCER: Yeah, to…
JAS: To Flurry of Blows?
MERCER: Yeah.
JAS: Okay, please state that next time [MERCER: Sorry] just so… So, spend a ki point, Flurry of Blows, another attack, and then we’ll do that after.
MERCER: Cool. Well. Both of those - that’s an eighteen and a twenty.
JAS: Both of those hit, real quick, before you roll damage, I want you to roll that d20 for me. DC’s a 2.
MERCER: It’s an eleven.
JAS: Next DC’s a three.
MERCER: Sexy. That’s going to be eight points of damage. Plus five points of damage. So thirteen more points of bludgeoning.
JAS: Okay, cool. Great. Next in the order is this thing. This little dragon thing, and it is going - well, next it would be Sylacrum, but Sylacrum is surprised by these little dragon things coming through a portal. It is going to exhale this puff of, like it’s got some smoke in it, but it is mostly this magical energy and it is going to exhale it at Caelum and I need a Wisdom saving throw.
MERCER: Oh. Okay. Fifteen.
JAS: Fifteen, you pass. And nothing happens. Next up is [NORTH: It was me.] Is not Valus. I need a - hold on, let me check something. Please pause for book checking.
NORTH: Can I just do a dex saving jig or something? Do I have to roll?
JAS: You don’t know if this is coming for you.
NORTH: I just get that gut feeling whenever something is about to happen to my character.
JAS: I need a Wisdom saving throw from Caelum.
MAR: Again?
JAS: Again.
MERCER: Eighteen.
JAS: That’s such a tragedy. Okay, nothing happens. But you see for a moment - all of you see for - it’s a flash, and just the amount of time it takes for some spell to be cast, some effect to happen, something flashes into existence and then pops back out. But, what’s all of your passive perceptions? Is there one higher than fifteen?
MAR: Not for me.
NORTH: Where do you guys see that?
JAS: Yours is not going to be.
MARS: No. Mine’s not.
JAS: Great.
WINK: Stupid party!
JAS: (singsong) Stupid party! Bum-ba-dum-bum-bum-bum-bum! So none of you can tell what it is, you just see, “Oh shit! A thing!” And then it pops back out of existence.
MARS: You said fifteen, right?
JAS: Mm-hmm.
MARS: Just making sure.
JAS: Next in the order is Valus.
NORTH: I don’t go this time.
JAS: Oh yeah! Valus stands there going, “Aah!” Hesperis, it is your turn in the order.
WINK: Okay so, Hesperis is… she is not surprised in that she takes the effect of surprised, but she is surprised as in a - has she ever encountered one of these before?
JAS: No. This is weird looking.
WINK: She’s surprised in the “what-the-fuck-is-this,” so I think she’s going to hit them with that… oh no, that would be mean to my party members. She’s going to hit one of them with Vicious - wait, no, can… “it need not understand you.” Okay, I would like insult one of them. I would like to insult his mother.
JAS: Okay, how do you insult his mother?
WINK: No, I use that one too much. It’s very funny though. I can use it for my first one on here. You are the reason that your mother changes the subject when people ask about her children at a work party!
JAS: Okay. Are you?
WINK: I need a Wisdom save.
JAS: One of the dragons, right?
WINK: Yeah, number one.
JAS: Number one, all right!
WINK: The one that’s already gotten bop-bopped.
JAS: Wisdom… a 13, does that save?
WINK: Hang on… where do I find that?
JAS: (singsong) It’s gonna be your spell save DC!
WINK: God damn it. Yeah, meets it beats it.
JAS: Damn. But, it does look sad for a minute. It does go, “Hmm.” Like that big toothy grin just… like just a little pout. Cire, it is your turn in the order.
MAR: Where are the creatures in reference to me?
JAS: They’re about… I would say that y’all are all in a fifteen-foot range. We’re doing, of course, theater of the mind, but about fifteen foot range. Any of them, you could get in striking distance. Caelum’s in melee, you could get in melee.
MAR: The one that Caelum is in melee with, can I get… can I flank the one that Caelum is in melee with?
JAS: So yes, but. You would be standing right next to one of these puddles. And so there would be consequences for that, should something happen. It’s a little bit risky, but yes you could.
MAR: And no one else is in melee of any of them?
JAS: No. Because the other two were surprised and Hesperis just stood back and said “Fuck you” basically.
MAR: So, I would like to go after the one that Caelum is in melee with, but if I can do it without getting too close to one of the pools, even if that means I’m not flanking.
JAS: Okay, so you’re not flanking but you’re also in melee with it.
MAR: Yes.
JAS: Yes.
MAR: And then, I would like to bonk.
JAS: Bonk away!
MAR: And I am going to say, I’m going to use my greataxe, which is only different from a greatsword because it’s 2d6 as opposed to 1d12.
JAS: Yes.
MAR: I should say that first, because they are technically different.
JAS: Tasty.
MAR: All right, sir. Does a 17 hit?
JAS: It does. Roll that beautiful bean footage.
MAR: I would like to use my Divine Smite.
JAS: As you should!
MAR: Okay, so. I am going to roll 2d6 and 2d8 for my divine smite. These are the initial rolls for all of them, so if I roll a 1 or 2, I can reroll them.
JAS: Correct.
MAR: Okay, I rolled one 2, on a d6, so I’m gonna reroll that. It knocked them. What were they?
MERCER: That one was an eight.
MAR: This one was an eight?
MERCER: Yeah.
MAR: Okay, and I believe this one was a three.
MERCER: I don’t know, I couldn’t see it.
WINK: I also don’t know.
JAS: Go with 3, if that’s the vibes.
MAR: I think that’s the vibes. Okay. that is twenty four slashing damage.
JAS: Nice.
WINK: Fuck ‘em up, babe.
JAS: Is the smite also slashing?
MAR: No, the smite is radiant damage. Oh, are they fiends or undead?
JAS: No.
MAR: Cause I get another d8 if they are.
JAS: Yeah. No. Sorry, my brain is trying to do math. You said 24 total?
MAR: 24 total. Yeah, 20 on the dice plus four for my strength modifier.
JAS: Okay, got it. Math is so hard, why is math hard?
WINK: Because you’re gay.
MAR: Because you’re an English major.
JAS: This is-
MAR: Or, English adjacent.
JAS: Yeah, English adjacent. Majored in words.
MAR: You’re majoring in words, it’s close enough.
WINK: You’re majoring in anti-math.
JAS: Literally that.
WINK: You said, “I’m gonna pick the major that makes you take exactly one math class.”
JAS: No, I don’t even have to take a math class, I have to take a science class where I do math in that science class and it makes me want to pass away every time.
WINK: Okay, but it’s rock science.
MAR: Okay, and for my bonus action.
JAS: Yes.
MAR: Actually, no. I’m gonna regret that if I do that. Never mind. I’m not going to use my Channel Divinity for that.
JAS: Okay.
MAR: That’s Cire’s turn.
JAS: That’s Cire’s turn? Excellent. Then you see the second little dragon thing is going to hiss at Cire and I need a Wisdom saving throw.
MAR: I’m sorry, I forgot to add the damage on my HP, give me a second.
JAS: (in background) How dare you.
MARS: Also, while this is going on, did you roll the initiative for Rowena as well?
JAS: Rowena is not rolling initiative. Because she… no.
MAR: She’s nope-ing out of this.
JAS: She literally ran down the street.
WINK: Rowena’s a common folk
MAR: Okay, so wisdom saving throw is a thirteen
JAS: They literally said “I’m out”… wisdom saving throw is a thirteen? Excellent. Uhm, so, on a thirteen…. let’s roll a d6. Interesting. Cool. The rest of see Cire… this is so funny that this is happening to you, of all people. We see Cire, and then a moment later, where Cire stands… is a frog.
[LAUGHTER]
WINK: Fuck yeah!
MAR: I got turned into a cow in our home game, and now I’m a frog.
JAS: Of all people, this is the best possible one.
MARS: Oh god.
JAS: There is a frog. Uh, it is a brightly colorful frog, and the eyes still give that moonstone gleam.
MAR: Is this-
WINK: Frog question, because frog nerd. Do you mean bright and colorful in the fuck off I’m poisonous kind of way?
JAS: Yes, absolutely fuck off I’m poisonous kind of way.
WINK: Excellent.
MAR: Is there- is this like in an attack I can use a reaction off, or is it-?
JAS: It is a spell.
MAR: Okay, um, I am asking in the context of- never-mind that is a minus ten penalty to an attack roll not to a spell.
JAS: Yeah… Alright cool, top of the round…uh yes, North?
NORTH: Uh, DND question, is this frog consciously- is this frog consciously still Cire, or is it just frog now?
JAS: [LAUGHTER] Okay, so Cire is aware of what’s going on, however the stats- hold on let me read the exact description to get my exact- so I can tell you the correct thing.
WINK: Get fucked, frog boy.
MARS: Are we about to get fucking TPK’d on our first encounter of this god damn campaign?
JAS: Y’all are doing really well.
WINK: No, it wouldn’t work like that.
JAS: Uhhhmm…
NORTH:I haven’t done anything…. yet.
JAS: So, it has the personality of Cire, but this frog does not have the uh, smarts of Cire, because, uh, the new uh [WEIRD NOISE]. The target’s game statistics, including mental ability scores, are replaced by the statistics of the chosen beast. It retains alignment and personality. So Cire would be aware that y’all are allies.
WINK: Is this a beefy frog?
JAS: It’s a beefy frog! It is a beefy frog! It’s a beefy poison frog.
MARS: North, please make that sound again because I want it in the episode so badly.
NORTH: Just flexes, [FROG NOISE].
JAS: Uhm, let me get you- [TYPING] frog stat block 5E. Alright, Mar, in your secrets from God channel, you now have the frog stat block, but I will give you a two to strength instead of a one because you are beefy.
MAR: [LAUGHING] Okay.
JAS: Just the sheer beefiness.
MAR: Cire- an integral part of Cire’s personality is her beefiness, so she retains some of that.
JAS: Exactly!
MAR: Thank you.
JAS: I should mention- I would like to read the stats. This frog has an armor class of eleven, it has- go ahead and roll hit points for me. It’s one d4 minus one, minimum of one.
MARS: Can we make it one d6 just for the flavor since it’s one beefy frog?
JAS: No, one d4.
MARS: Okay.
JAS: It is a one!
MAR: I have one hit point.
JAS: One hit point. Uhm, it has a speed of twenty feet, it has a swim speed of twenty feet. Strength is a 2, because Cire is beefy. Dexterity is a thirteen, con is an eight, intelligence is a one, wisdom is an eight, charisma is a three, uhm and its got a ten foot vertical leap! No, it’s got a ten foot long jump and a five foot vertical leap.
WINK: I can’t even use Seed of Sustenance on this bitch.
JAS: No. Cire is a frog now. That’s a campaign wrap on Cire- no I’m kidding.
[LAUGHTER]
JAS: Can you imagine, you fail one wisdom saving throw and you’re a frog.
WINK: Okay, mechanics question. Would Seed of Sustenance work on a non-humanoid?
JAS: It is a creature.
WINK: Okay… frog is creature.
JAS: Frog is creature, however-
WINK: However has con of eight.
JAS: However, bad plan… Cool, uhm, so we have a frog, frog has stats now, Caelum is your turn. You just watched Cire get turned into a frog right next to you.
MERCER: Okay-
MAR: Can Caelum flank with the frog?
[LAUGHTER]
MERCER: I wanna flank with the frog.
WINK: Is the frog an ally?
NORTH: You also-
JAS: You cannot get into a flanking position without getting too close to this puddle. The frog is technically an ally, uhm, so you would have some risks associated with it, uhm, but you could.
MERCER: I am very dexterous.
JAS: Okay cool,
MERCER: I will flank with the frog.
JAS: Cool, you are flanking with the frog now. Would you like to pop, pop?
MERCER: Um, first I would like to whack.
JAS: Whack away!
MERCER: Well… well… no. That was a nine.
JAS: Nine is not gonna do it.
MERCER: I don’t think I can pop pop because I did not hit.
JAS: Okay, yeah, that sounds right. Cool, that is Caelum’s turn. Um, you try to bonk, but you are also mildly distracted by the fact that your friend just turned into a frog. Um, Valus, you have a question?
NORTH: Not that my character would know, never mind, it’s not important.
JAS: You can ask!
NORTH: Do I- do we have any idea like how long this frog condition lasts?
JAS: Actually, you can roll an arcana check.
NORTH: But it’s not my turn.
JAS: Yeah, on your turn, let’s come back to that.
MAR: I need it to be known that I am writing in my conditions: frog
JAS: Condition: frog. Languages: frog.
NORTH: I can do an arcana check and still do-
MAR: I think my intelligence might actually be low enough that I don’t speak any languages.
NORTH: You speak croak!
MAR: It is! My intelligence is a one. You have to have at least a three to comprehend languages.
WINK: Hear me out-
JAS: Language is frog.
WINK: Hear me out-
JAS: Oh my god, Wink just held up Speak With Animals…. Alright, um, Sylacrum is now your turn, you can now finally act.
MARS: Okay, I have a genuine question. Cause, you said a fireball got out, and these are dragons. Are the dragons on fire right now?
JAS: No.
MARS: Okay, so I were to say create wa- no, actually
JAS: If you were trying to extinguish a dragon, I can tell you right now that’s not going to work.
MARS: No, I was just trying to make it rain so they would get disadvantage on attacks, but good idea until the fucking frog happened.
JAS: Frog is amphibious, but yeah, continue.
MARS: Yeah-
WINK: Frog would be fucking down for some rain.
JAS: Frog said yessss.
MAR: Can confirm I would be down for some rain.
MARS: Hey, genuine question, what’s-
JAS: Oh I just- the image just came in my head and it is now canon because I am God and I say so, uh, this frog has tiny little, uh like, it looks like a toothpick and another toothpick strapped to the back where it’s a sword and a great axe.
MAR: The frog is bright purple.
JAS: [TINY SCREAM] Yes, excellent.
MARS: What is the AC of-
MAR: Eleven
MARS: Eleven, okay, so as a bonus action, I’m gonna cast shield of faith on the fucking frog.
JAS: [GIGGLING] Okay.
MARS: That’s a plus two bonus to AC for the next ten minutes.
JAS: Okay.
MARS: However, I have to keep concentrating on it.
JAS: Yes, that’s concentration.
MARS: So I can’t cast another spell
JAS: You can cast a non concentration spell, um, like so you’re not there yet, but like if you like…. Spiritual weapon is not concentration.
MARS: Gotcha, and for the actual action, I’m gonna shoot the dragon, because this bird has a crossbow.
JAS: Alright, which dragon..there is one that is unhurt, one that is looking pretty bad, it is bloodied- beyond bloodied at this point.
MARS: Probably- I’m gonna, I’m gonna take a shot at the bloodied one.
JAS: Cool.
MARS: So that will be… does a 22 hit?
JAS: A 22 definitely hits. Y’all are level three, what if I was like no, it doesn’t.
MARS: I would have cried.
MAR: Non-newtonian arbor class!
NORTH: [LAUGHTER]
MARS: So that’s gonna be six points of piercing damage.
JAS: Uh, you, with that six points of piercing damage, shoot this thing, and I think it finds purchase in its eye and goes straight through its other side and pins it to the ground, and it is done for.
MARS: Gotcha.
JAS: Wink did not enjoy that image.
MARS: And, I have a just question, is there like a building like kind of a little high up that I could get on?
JAS: So you’re on like the streets, right, like y’all had um, just turned away from Castor and Pollux’s house, the sun elves, and you see um, like you see that there are um, there are buildings around, I wouldn’t say that there’s a super tall one, it’s pretty, like, its not like a fancy- its not a city by any means, it is a little town.
MARS: That’s fine by me, I just wanna get up a little bit higher.
JAS: Okay,
MARS: Would I be able to kind of flutter on up to one of the roofs of these buildings?
JAS: Yeah, absolutely, you use your fly speed, um, and y’all all hear the like clinking of this mechanical wing as it- and what this looks like, is not like, especially for our winged folk, you know what like flying looks like on a humanoid shape. This doesn’t look like that, it looks like a jump assisted by wings.
NORTH: Double jump.
JAS: Yeah, pretty much, like, um… for those wondering, for Sylacrum, um because of his disability, um, he uses the chicken flight mechanic. It is the ones on actual chickens in dnd, but I thought that it was applicable, so Sylacrum cannot be in the round for more than… er Sylacrum cannot be in the air for more than one round of combat. So basically, what comes up must come down. He can’t hover, they can’t do anything like that. So…
MARS: I think we said if I am falling though, I can kinda like flap to like lessen the impact.
JAS: Yeah, exactly, like Sylacrum’s not gonna fall and beef it, but it is going to be harder for Sylacrum. Cool, that is Sylacrum’s turn.
WINK: Okay, which dragon beefed it?
JAS: The first one.
WINK: Okay. Get nae naed little dude.
JAS: Get nae naed indeed. Cool, um, next up I need a dexterity saving throw from everyone except for Sylacrum.
WINK: That’s cocked.
JAS: I’m lying to you, a strength saving throw.
NORTH: Okay, I get to redo that. A four is not gonna cut it.
MERCER: Eighteen.
WINK: Can I- I rolled it when I thought it was a dex saving throw, can I re roll it now that I know it’s a strength?
JAS: No.
NORTH: Oh, thank you sixteen. Eighteen minus two, sixteen.
JAS: Minus two?
NORTH: Let’s not talk about it. He’s so scrawny.
JAS: So scrawny.
MAR: That’s a one. It’s not a natural one, its a six minus five.
JAS: Yeah, you’re a frog.
WINK: Oh no. I got a five.
JAS: Cool, uh so. Wait, let’s go around, we’ve got a one from our beefy elf, a-
MAR: Beefy frog.
WINK: A five from Hesperis.
JAS: Yes.
MERCER: An eighteen from Caelum.
JAS: Kay. Sylacrum didn’t need one and-
NORTH: Sixteen.
JAS: Our eighteen and sixteen, okay, what happens is, is you see this thing come into existence now, like pop out from its invisibility. It’s got this large, impish grin and these like, wings behind it. It looks like- it looks like a grouchy old man, but it is a like pixie like thing but like a grouchy old man pixie basically is what it looks like. And, um, it casts- he casts Entangle and out of the ground these giant roots and vines just spring out and wrap around your feet. Some of them cover up some of the portals, you watch some of them fall through, into some of these portals, um but, Caelum and Valus, you are able to pull yourself out of this. Sylacrum, you don’t have a problem because you are not down on the ground where this ensnaring is happening, but Hesperis and frog Cire, you are wrapped in these vines and rooted in place. You are grappled.
WINK: I’m wrapped in vines, am I?
JAS: Yes, you are.
WINK: Good to know, good to know.
JAS: [LAUGHTER] Alright, Valus it is your turn.
NORTH: Okay, so I can start off with doing an arcana check to see how long the frog lasts?
JAS: Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
NORTH: We’re not gonna worry about how long the frog can last on Cire.
JAS: What was that? What was the roll?
NORTH: That was a Nat one.
JAS: You’re like, there’s a lot of spells that can make something looks like something else or actually be something else and you’re like fuck dude, I don’t know. Um, and you’re- Yeah?
NORTH: So, okay, so, just to get a mind’s eye of where everything is, where is everyone right now? So the first one’s dead, first dragon-
JAS: Yes, so like they came out of this like portal, and so you’ve got this pixie that’s about ten feet up in the air, and then you’ve got down, right, still pretty much in front of that portal, is the other little dragon thing, um, and it is um, and it is snarling and it looks fine, so.
NORTH: And um-
JAS: And they’re- yeah Cire and Caelum are in front of the now covered in vines other little dragon thing, but uh, you can barely even see the purple of frog Cire sticking out from where these entangled vines are around this frog.
NORTH: That made my next move a little difficult. Okay, um, I’m thinking.
JAS: You can see it, if it’s a creature that you can see that you want to do something with, but-
NORTH: It’s something I have to touch.
JAS: You could touch this frog. But, it is difficult terrain to get there, so you have fifteen feet of movement and you- you’re about- you’ve been- you haven’t gotten up close at all, so I would say that you’re like, fif- you’re fifteen feet away, so you could get there with your movement, because it’s difficult terrain, but-
NORTH: But I couldn’t get back.
JAS: Yeah, you couldn’t back up.
NORTH: Yeah, that’s um-
MARS: Actually, you can fly.
JAS: You can fly! So you can ignore difficult terrain, because you can just go [POOF NOISE] and hop on over it. This is a-
MARS: Since you can fly, Entanglement’s pretty much, it’s on the physical ground, so the physical ground is difficult terrain. The air is free space baby, you can fly as much as you want. Unless, you know, you’re missing a wing.
NORTH: But I would still be-
JAS: You would get your thirty feet of fly speed because you have thirty feet of fly speed, so you could make it there and back no problem.
NORTH: Hmmmm. Okay, I’m gonna run something by you. I want to fly to frog, uh.. Would I… Are the vines something I could just break with my hands, like could I pull this frog out or is it just stuck?
JAS: Uh, you could make a strength check to see if you can pull out-
NORTH: I don’t think that’s gonna work but, you know what, let’s go for it.
JAS: Kay.
MARS: This would count as-
JAS: I’m going to count this as your bonus action.
NORTH: Okay. Please… uh, that.. that’s a four.
JAS: You like, you can’t even like- like you get your hand in there and like get your hand around this frog, and like pull up and like… no movement, just a squish Cire and we get a little [DISTRESSED FROG NOISE]
NORTH: Am I still.. Am I still going to be able to get out of here after a spell.. is that possible or?
JAS: Yeah.
NORTH: Okay. Uh-
JAS: Cause movement doesn’t- so-
NORTH: Since the frog’s a little, I don’t know if these can stack, though… Can I use mage armor on the frog since it doesn’t technically have armor?
JAS: [LAUGHING] Um-
NORTH: It says you touch a willing creature who isn’t wearing armor.
JAS: Ummm, read the spell description for me.
NORTH: I’m trying to make this frog not get hurt. Um-
WINK: We really care about our fucking frog, okay?
NORTH: Well, it’s a party member! You touch a willing creature who isn’t wearing armor and a protective magical force surrounds it until the spell ends. The target’s base AC becomes thirteen, plus its dexterity modifier. The spell ends if the target dons armor or if you dismiss the spell as an action.
JAS: Yeah, you can cast mage armor on this frog.
NORTH: I’m going to do that and then fly back, because I don’t- this frog has one hit point, so I’ll just get that AC up a little bit.
MARS: So how much does that put the AC at now?
NORTH: That is thirteen plus dex.
JAS: Plus-
MAR: Does that stack with Sylacrum’s-
JAS: It does.
MARS: Yes it does.
MAR: Okay so its fourteen- it’s sixteen. It’s Cire’s actual armor class.
[LAUGHTER]
JAS: Plus five because you have three quarters cover.
[LAUGHTER]
MAR: This frog’s AC is twenty one.
MARS: So let me get this straight, Cire got turned into a frog, and our immediate reaction was, yeah let’s turn the frog into a fucking tank.
MAR: Yeah.
NORTH: [LAUGHTER]
JAS: Right, that is- Yeah, three quarters cover, plus five to AC like-
NORTH: Frog is safe.
JAS: Frog is safe. This is the best shit. [LAUGHING] Hesperis it’s your turn.
WINK: Okay, um, Hesperis is going to um, so, talking is a free action, right?
JAS: Yes.
WINK: So Hesperis would like to attempt to talk to the, the pixie.
JAS: Okay.
WINK: What is your purpose here?
JAS: What language are you saying that in?
WINK: Uh-
JAS: Common?
WINK: Yes? I.. I don’t know if its metagaming to say that I also speak Sylvan, does that give me any benefit?
JAS: [WHISPERING] It’s a pixie… It’s a pixie, so you would- Pixies are from- like you would know, like, since you speak Sylvan, that is the language of like the Fae and the faeries, so-
WINK: So I should speak Sylvan.
JAS: So ye- mmmm… I can’t tell you whether or not you should speak Sylvan… Wink.
WINK: Ha ha, that’s my name.
[LAUGHTER]
WINK: So yeah, Hesperis is actually gonna call out in Sylvan… What is your purpose here?
JAS: Uh, the pixie kind of laughs and just goes [AS PIXIE] He he.. Trouble!
WINK: That’s fair, and then she casts uh, Tasha’s Hideous Laughter on him.
JAS: Alright, it’s a wisdom save, correct?
WINK: Yeah.
JAS: that’s cocked. That was a natural one, uh-
WINK: Lol okay.
JAS: It just [AS PIXIE] [LAUGHTER]…. It just falls prone, right?
WINK: Yes.
JAS: You watch as this thing kind of falls out of the air because it is flying and just like lands on the like- Hesperis actually, roll a d20 for me, this is a luck check, dc 10.
WINK: That’s eight.
JAS: It’s an eight, okay! This is fine, it land- it does not land through the portal.
WINK: Okay.
JAS: But it does land next to the portal, so it is prone on the ground. So that is useful and it is laughing obnoxiously. Um, cool, is that your turn?
WINK: Yep.
JAS: Wonderful. Frog Cire, anything you want to do?
MAR: Um, no?
JAS: Okay.
MAR: Do I still have, no. So there isn’t anything I want to do.. Do I still have any of my paladin abilities? Specifically, the channel divinity that can give disadvantage to an attack?
NORTH: I was about to say, is there anything a frog can do?
JAS: Roll a wisdom check.
MAR: Not gonna use that die, cause uh-
JAS: This is to see if you have the wits about you to do that.
MAR: And it is a wisdom check using the frog’s wisdom?
JAS: Yes.
MAR: Okay. [LAUGHTER] I think that’s a fifteen, but let me double check the frog’s wisdom. Yes that is a fifteen.
JAS: Cool, you have the sense enough to do this.
MAR: Okay.
JAS: It was a dc fifteen, so-
WINK: This frog knows what the fuck is up.
JAS: This frog is like I feel the connection with Levion still, like.
MAR: Cire says this is the ultimate contradiction.
JAS: You know this- yeah [LAUGHING] this is the ultimate contradiction. This frog has the power of god and anime on its side.
NORTH: Don’t fuck with it.
JAS: Do not fuck with this frog.
MAR: Okay, ummmm. So yes, I just wanted to know if I could do that. I guess that’s the frog’s action.
JAS: Excellent.
MAR: Is to see if she has the power of god and anime on her side.
JAS: See I was gonna give that as like a bonus action if you wanna do the channel divinity, you can do it.
MAR: It’s not, um, an action, its a reaction.
JAS: Got it, yeah you are correct. Um, alright, top of the round: Caelum it is your turn.
MERCER: What about the dragon?
JAS: Oh my god you’re right. Little buddy has to do something
NORTH: He doesn’t have to we could just skip em.
JAS: Somebody roll a d6 for me.
MERCER: Got it.
NORTH: I don’t know which one that is.
MERCER: Six.
JAS: Six? Ooh. We wanted a low roller, sorry. Um, everyone make a dex save-
NORTH: Ah, great.
JAS: If you are grappled, you make it at disadvantage.
MARS: Do I have to make one as well?
MAR: That’s a nat one.
WINK: That’s an eleven.
JAS: Yes.
MARS: Oooh-
NORTH: That’s a twelve.
MARS: You said dex save?
MERCER: Seventeen.
JAS: Dex save.
NORTH: Stop rolling so well.
MERCER: I’m a monk.
MARS: [DISTRESSED NOISE]
NORTH: [UNINTELLIGABLE]
JAS: You get a plus five bonus, frog Cire, because of your three quarters cover.
MAR: Do I still- I rolled a nat one.
JAS: Oh nat one?
MARS: Oh no.
JAS: Okay, um.
WINK: No coming back from a Nat one.
JAS: That’s an automatic fail. So more crits, more fun, nat ones are an automatic failure. Everyone say what you got… nat one on frog Cire, what did-
NORTH: Twelve.
JAS: Twelve. Thirteen.
MERCER: Seventeen.
JAS: Seventeen.
WINK: Eleven.
JAS: Our thirteen and our seventeen, you deftly dive out of the way as this little dragon coughs up a fire ball leugey.
WINK: Please never say that again.
JAS: I don’t want to say that ever again actually. Um, and, um-
MAR: I’m pulling up the page with my death saves.
JAS: Actually, hold on a minute, Cire.
MAR: Okay.
JAS: Cool, um great, alright, those of you who got above a thirteen, a thirteen or higher, you take four points of damage, fire damage, everyone else takes eight points of damage.
NORTH: Aww.
JAS: Frog Cire, when you take that one point of damage, reducing you to zero hit points, you pop back to normal.
MAR: Okay, and then I take the remaining seven as Cire?
JAS: And then you take the remaining seven as Cire. You are prone and grappled, so you’re gonna have to do something about that, but you are back to being CIre. It was a polymorph for those wondering-
MAR: I was about to ask.
JAS: That’s why I kept laughing so hard when y’all kept buffing this frog because the best thing to do in that situation is bonk the frog and get it back to-
MARS: Wait hold on-
MAR: Do I still have those spells on me?
MARS: Wait that would still work.
JAS: Those who have taken damage, y’all both have concentration.
NORTH: You would lose mage armor because you would don armor again.
MAR: Oh, yes.
JAS: Cire loses mage armor, I need a concentration check from Sylacrum.
MARS: You said concentration or concentration save?
JAS: Its a save-
MARS: You said-
JAS: It’s a con save.
MARS: It’s an eleven?
JAS: Yeah that’s-
MAR: The DC for a concentration check is ten or half the damage you took, whichever is more.
JAS: Yeah, whichever is more.
MARS: Look, normally, I don’t have to make these.
JAS: So if you take like twenty damage, like, good luck… Well-
MAR: No, that’d be ten.
JAS; That’d be ten, but if you took-
MAR: If you took more than twenty damage, it gets more difficult to maintain concentrating.
JAS: Exactly.
MARS: Okay.
JAS: We’re good, maintaining concentration, so we’ve still got shield of faith up, um-
MARS: So it’s still a plus two bonus to AC right now.
JAS: Yes.
MAR: So I will mark my 18 AC.
JAS: Cool, um…so yeah, it is now Caelum’s turn, we’re actually now at the top of the round.
MERCER: Um, Caelum is going to like, kinda hop up and fly over to this imp, and I would like to flavor an unarmed strike to try to kick it into the portal.
JAS: Excellent, yes, go ahead and make an attack roll.
MERCER: Um, eighteen.
JAS: Eighteen hits, now can I make you- can I get you to make another attack roll to see if you- its the same attack, right? But this attack roll is to see if you can put the right spin on it to get it into this portal.
MERCER: Okay.
JAS: That is no where in any rules ever, but like-
MERCER: It’s fun.
JAS: That’s the flavor I’m going for.
MERCER: Uh, no-
JAS: Okay, cool-
MERCER: That’s a ten.
JAS: So you hit it, but you can’t quite get the flick of the torque on your staff-
MERCER: I’m kicking it.
JAS: Oh, kicking? You can’t quite kick it quite into the portal, it kind of goes to the side. Um but go ahead and roll that damage.
MERCER: That’s seven points of damage, I would like to use a ki point to pop pop.
JAS: Excellent, pop pop.
NORTH: Do you get a ki point every turn, or?
MERCER: I have two. Because I am a level two monk. Okay, well that’s cocked, um.
JAS: Your dc is a three for the other one.
MERCER: I didn’t.
JAS: Great.
MERCER: twenty four.
JAS: yeah, hits.
MERCER: And twenty one.
JAS: No that one doesn’t hit, weirdly, I dunno. They both hit.
MERCER: Um, that’s going to be seven points of damage and uh six points of damage so-
JAS: Okay, cool-
MERCER: Fourteen.
WINK: That’s the pixie, right?
MERCER: Yes.
JAS: Oh that was on the pixie?
MERCER: Yeah
NORTH: Yeah.
JAS: Uh, you fucking obliterate this pixie.
MERCER: Sexy.
WINK: Okay, is it nae naed?
JAS: Yeah, it is nae naed.
WINK: Cause if it had not died, then it would have advantage on a wisdom save against the hideous laughter again.
JAS: Yeah, no you nae naed that thing.
WINK: Okay rest in peace.
JAS: Um, cool, yeah. Next in the order is Sylacrum,
MARS: You said the dragons came out of a portal right?
JAS: Mhm.
MARS: Is the last one still kind of in front of that portal?
JAS: Yeah.
MARS: Okay, I have a question. Just because I wanna use this spell because I think it will be fucking funny in this situation. For create or destroy water, would you be okay if I landed like, right in this dragon’s face and pretty much created water to make a water jet and push it back through the portal?
JAS: I love that. Um, give me a spell casting check, so for you that’s wisdom plus proficiency, um cleric.
MARS: Yep.
JAS: Hey, y’all are mean, don’t do quotes around cleric! This is bullying, It’s not even my character.
WINK: Eeby deeby, sorry.
MARS: Twenty one.
JAS: That’s a twenty one?
MARS: Yep.
JAS: Cool, yeah you manage to um, send this jet of water, you place it just right, it like… do you have any flavor on how this looks?
MARS: Pretty much since Sylacrum’s up high, he just kinda like, extends his wing and does like the batman glide, kick in, and lands like right in front of it and like, taking both of is hands is just gonna go Bye Bye, and push forward, right into the dragon’s mouth and just [WATER NOISE]
JAS: You see this like, dragon kind of choke for a minute on the water and is taken aback by it, like it’s small its pretty light, so this amount of water is easy to push this thing back-
MARS: Ten gallons of water, so-
JAS: Exactly, oh god-
MARS: [LAUGHING] It’s ten gallons.
NORTH: Oh my-
JAS: You see like, okay, like we talked about this being like, cat sized, and I am now picturing Wink’s cat like reacting-
WINK: No!!
JAS: Pretty Baby, because my cat’s too little, my cat’s a kitten, but like Pretty Baby sized just like [RETCHING NOISE], as it’s just pushed back by ten gallons of water into this portal, and the portal closes, after it fall through. And there’s a moment of silence in the streets of Aurora.
[THEME MUSIC]
